What’s True? What’s Real? Why? Why Not? What Matters Most?

When drama happens I am usually blindsided…this ever happen to y’all too? I am stunned, shocked, devastated, destroyed, unable to find my way through the debris, the fallout, collateral damage…autopilot is triggered until I can get my bearings. The smoke has to clear and then I begin the long, meticulous process of picking up the pieces and putting everything back into a recognizable, navigable form again.

I tend to take it out on myself most of all. I blame myself and conclude that I am responsible, that I am unconsciously doing, being something wrong. I let it determine my self worth, take it personally, believing that I am unworthy and errant, then I wanna give up because I obviously can’t win? If I am inherently defective in my reasoning, how can I know what’s real? If no matter how I try, drama keeps happening, it must be because of me, right? Is this true? At first this seems logical…then in hindsight I see something each and every time. I see that I always knew what was true, yet believed the lies portrayed to me through unconsciousness in this physicality. That people behaved unconsciously, erroneously, untruthfully and I believed what I saw with my physical senses over what I knew in my logical heart. And I also behaved unconsciously as well. Forgive them and myself for we know not what we do, until we learn, become aware, see the light. Love again.

Which brings me to the conclusion that maybe everything here is kind of a desensitization. to train me into believing in what I know in my logical heart above what I see displayed in my day to day life here. Though drama and painful things happen, I know the truth deep within. And all the drama and pain that plays out really has nothing to do with truth or with my or anyone else’s worthiness. Truth can not be destroyed, we are truth, we are love, we are One with God and all… infinite love, eternally, indestructible…and that is the reality. So what matters then? What’s true? What’s real? Why? Why not? How do I base my actions? Where do I stand? What is my foundation? What do I use to guide me? What to believe in? What is most loving? Is there a right or wrong way? What rules apply? Are there any rules to live by? What do I listen to? Myself, religion, parents, peers, society at large? There is so much diversity and adversity…how do I siphon through it all and keep my head and heart on straight? What is most important above all? Can it be made simple? How do I love best? How do I keep on going and be content when I can plainly see so much hurt in the world, when all I want is the highest joy and love for all? What is the best way to be, to have peace, joy, love and harmony?

The logical heart knows best and practicing ways to keep the optimal connection to this voice of love is paramount. For me, it comes down to taking care of myself and being loving of myself. When I do this, I can act from a place of peace and highest love. And this is a moment by moment process and to be at peace, it requires a lot of letting go of things beyond my immediate control and to focus on the greater reality, or else I will get bogged down in petty little dramas which keep me stuck. My first priority and ultimate power is being mindful of what I am thinking, my internal dialogue sets the tone for everything in my experience and also impacts the world at large because we are one and connected to everyone/everything. This is a constant practice…choosing the most loving thoughts.

Yes, drama happens and I learn first hand and then can have greater compassion and understanding while also releasing fears because I survived what I feared most. And I knew the truth all along, yet we being human, do things while we are learning, which are painful, that’s life here. Eventually we will get through this, all of us. In the meantime, we must question and not become complacent. We must always be focused on what matters most, no matter how life shows up. What matters most is love, this to me is universal. We all understand this and want this, right? Or do we? Seems like I am my own worst enemy sometimes when I dwell upon painful issues and get down on myself and others.

Does it matter why? For me what matters is I am here and I must accept  what is present and focus on what I am wanting and making choices based on what is priority for living my best life. Why? I am here, ” why?” is not the question…what am I gonna do with myself ? That is the question, seems basic 🙂 I get to choose.

I can be living by default, reactively or I can choose to focus my intentions and change what I am being/doing into a more loving and productive way, proactively. I get to choose what matters most and prioritize, becoming the change I wish to see in the world, by loving myself the way I want the world to be loving. I can attest that this can be quite challenging when most people live by default and unconsciously. I struggle again and again, yet it is becoming easier as I grow in awareness and forgiveness.

As long as I don’t stay stuck in that woe mode though, that’s what matters, and never giving up on love 🙂 To keep rising above the petty drama and focusing on the truth of love. To take care of me so I can be what I am wanting most, becoming more loving and flowing more love to all. A win win scenario. To keep in tune with my logical heart which guides me unfailingly to the truth of love and home.

When I get bogged down in woe mode I have to create space for myself to heal, to sit with the pain, work through it and move on. This requires being gentle & easy with myself, pampering myself and forgiving myself. To take care of my physical body as well. To regain a balance. And then I can forgive others in turn… Forgiveness sets us free. Being honest sets us free. Loving ourselves allows this love to overflow to all, setting us free. The more peaceful, free and loving, the more harmony in the world. It’s what we all want right? Or are we gonna stay slaves to drama? Not me! 🙂

I am where I am and it may be different from others, does that mean it’s wrong? Who decides what is right and wrong? Do we all have the internal compass to love? Do we all have the same access to the God within, the logical heart? Is there a universal moral code? When we all are eternal beings what matters in this physical experience? How to decide what is most loving? Well, for me…I have to choose from my current level of being and awareness, how else is there? Am I able to have an all knowing awareness, can I see everything from this human point of view? My best bet is to follow my logical heart…my deep inner guidance and loving intuition. To follow what feels the most loving and freeing. I am the only one who knows the next best step for me. Plus…we can let go and be not afraid because we all make it home in the end.

Yeah, I tell myself all this, yet I am still sad, afraid and feel abandoned much more than I’d like to admit 🙂 Yet everyday I have so much love in my life that I am comforted and keep on keeping on, come what may. And I am thankful,  humbled and graced. So much beauty. All too real. Love

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Michelle Miyagi
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