Where to hang my hat?

Being focused on personal development and open to different ways to promote health, joy, peace, love, creativity and unity requires me to question everything. Especially my beliefs. How do I discern what is worth changing? Are some pursuits a lost cause? How do I prioritize and balance my life, where do I hang my hat? What can I depend on?

I started writing this post 2 weeks ago, then our bunny died. She was a part of our family and she is missed, especially by my daughter. That adorable creature was my daughter’s bunny. When we lose part of our lives to “death” it is quite shocking and we feel helpless, powerless and question even more what exactly we are doing “here?” Especially if we have come to the level of awareness where we have experienced directly and unequivocally,  the true, greater reality which trumps this world in every way… in fact leaves it in the dust? Anyone ever read about, known another who had, or ever experienced a brush with oneness, through a religious experience, through meditation, through a near death experience, an out of body experience or in a dream where we are freer and more open to the ethereal?

Anyone ever had direct experience with inexplicable occurrences which defy scientific reason, which should not be happening? Anyone out there who believes that there is more to this existence than meets the eye? Anyone out there who questions everything like I do? Anyone out there who wonders if there’s room for improvement? Or do we just accept the status quo?

Where do I hang my hat? What’s real? In this temporary world where every physical thing is impermanent…what can I rely on? How to cope when what we desperately do NOT want is happening before our very eyes and before we know it…the thing we feared most, we could not stop, is done. It can not be undone, we have tried everything, it still happened. Did I do something wrong? Am I being punished? Could I have prevented this? I am sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you? Why? And please help me keep breathing…and yikes….what’s next?

I keep falling into the same trap. I want everything to be wonderful for everybody and I try so hard to do and be everything within my power to make everything be like I believe everyone wants it to be, what I believe will be the kindest, most loving way. I want bliss, peace and love for all. Is this my responsibility? How do I know what is right for everyone else’s bliss? Can it be possible that in order to become the highest love, that maybe we have some learning to do? That maybe in order to excavate and release some fears we may have to grow through challenges in our experiences. Maybe unwanted experiences allow us to become what we are wanting and grow us into higher levels of awareness and happiness? We are creating what we are desiring through our living through our worst fears?

Where to hang my hat?

For me…this is the lesson that keeps appearing…I must let go. This is what I do. I have a vision, a feeling,a passion, a responsibility to what I believe will be the most loving solution. I focus on being and doing all I can to help promote this goal. I keep trying and trying, often sacrificing myself in order to achieve what I believe is the kindest and most responsible solution. Yet no matter how hard I work, the goal remains elusive and eventually I burn out. Eventually I realize I can not keep on going at that rate simply because my health, sanity and joy are at stake and then what? What if I get really sick, incapacitated by keeping on trying for that nobler cause? So it’s not working the way I wanted even though I am trying everything within my power? Maybe it’s not for me to be choosing? Possibly it is not for me to decide and has nothing to do with me and this is why I am stuck. It is not for me to create, to choose. I am not succeeding because there is a greater plan. I can only hang my hat on my stand.

I forget that although we are one, we are all learning at our own paces through our own choices, wearing the distinctive hats we prefer and each have our own prongs on the stands where we hang our hats.  So we are all in this together yet we have areas where only we individually get to choose. So in my dealings and relationships maybe I will not be able to change where I hang my hat because it is not my place. Even though we share the hat stand, I can not take over another’s place. They have to hang their own hat in their designated spot. Yet we all use the same stand because through relationships we are united in a purpose to help keep one another in place where we belong, hanging our hats together, but each keeping track of their own hat.

So because it is not my hat, it is not within my power to change the course of certain events. Each person involved is on a different journey with different opportunities for growth and who am I to say what is most loving when I only know about my hat? They may be on their way to changing hat racks and my intentions may not jibe with that? What I want, believe is best may impede their progress? I can not see everything from my limited view depending on my current place on the hat rack?  Heh….unless I am on top and wear the helmet with the viking horns? 😛

I let go and decide to take care of me so I can be there to hang my own hat. Trying to make sure everyone else has their hats hanging straight has kept theirs tidy but in the meantime mine has been trampled on the ground. So if I am unsuccessful in keeping life the way I  believe it should be, for example, keeping my children in the school they’ve been in, that I believe is the most loving situation for them. Maybe it is not for me to decide. Maybe in the bigger picture my children need to experience different circumstances in order to find their own hats and where to hang them? Gotta defer to the big honcho hat in the sky 🙂

What does belief depend upon? It depends upon me, I get to choose what I believe. How to choose what to believe in? I try to choose beliefs that are empowering and promote love for all and I hone into my intuition, my soul’s guidance, my deep feelings, my logical heart.

So what if my logical heart tells me I need to keep trying yet nothing seems to be working and I am sacrificing myself to no avail? Time to let go and allow others to hang their hats where they wish. My responsibility is to choose where I hang my own hat. Or maybe choose a more fitting hat? Maybe that Loki helmet will do the trick.