Peace For The Win

The Logical Heart Knows Best

But,  it’s not fair!!! Ever feel that way….like you’re a victim and have to defend what’s fair, just, and loving? That what’s happening shouldn’t be, but no matter how hard you’ve tried to stand up for yourself and your loved ones, it just doesn’t seem to be fair? Ever try and try to reason with someone and there’s just no winning? The more you try to maintain healthy, loving boundaries, where the outcome is also loving of you, it only gets worse, they act up more and more? While all you want is peace and love, without being a doormat?

Well maybe, just maybe, by feeling it’s not fair, we are engaged in the same mentality that the difficult, high conflict, character deficient, personality disordered, drama making people are using to keep things messy?

What is it that we really, really want? What’s the priority, above all, in our heart of hearts?

Who is most capable of providing that outcome?

Has it ever worked? Trying to force the drama makers into being mature, responsible, and loving? Actually, the more they are pressed, the more they act out, the worse it gets. No amount of trying to hold someone accountable who is not READY to accept responsibility is gonna MAKE them sane and reasonable. In other words…it will never be “fair” when dealing with them because they are not capable. From their view, anything that is happening that is not what they want is not fair and they live in perpetual victimhood and defensiveness…and their motto is, “I have to win, at all costs.” Their primary concept about life is, “It’s not fair” and anything they believe is a threat to their sense of self and safety is gonna be met with clawing, kicking, and screaming, like a 2-year-old. They are the centers of the Universe and they will take everyone else down as collateral damage in order to save themselves and what they believe is “fair.” Spinning and manipulating, lying and deceiving themselves and others in order to “win.” They are not capable or willing to see things in any other way, except in how it impacts them.

It gets confusing though because they sometimes seem capable and the love that is truly there, deep down comes out and you think, oh, there’s hope? But sadly it is fleeting in the crazymakers of the world. Most people do not suddenly change, especially high conflict, manipulative, covertly abusive people. So though you want to believe that things may improve and maybe they’re coming around, alas that is not typical.

Our best bet is disengaging from the drama because there is no winning…”It’s not fair” is crazymaking at its finest. And by adopting this line of defense, “It’s not fair” we are party to the drama.

You can try to do the right thing, to stand up for yourself, your loved ones, the innocents, but sometimes the cost is way too high and is not actually what you want in your heart of hearts. Time to cut your losses and move on because fairness, really isn’t worth it. When dealing with difficult people, with the injustices of life, sometimes the most loving thing to do is to run away and never look back, leaving everything that is not essential behind. Because that is the fairest and loving thing to do for yourself and ironically for all. The less interaction with high conflict people the better. Because it will never be “fair” with unreasonable people. Run for your lives and never look back!

Certain people will not cooperate unless the law is involved, and usually, that means crimes are committed and the more you try to get justice when drama addicts are involved, they act out and get violent and criminal. Is that what we really want in our heart of hearts? The cost is too high. If what we’re wanting is peace, kindness, love, and support…this isn’t it. So what’s really fair? Because you are healthy and capable, the fairest thing is to continue to take the high road and shoulder what you are capable of. People may think you’re a doormat, but you know the truth. You are doing what is most peaceful and loving for everyone, most of all for yourself. You are being true to love and that’s what life’s all about. So actually it’s more than fair, it’s an honor and a privilege to spread more, love, joy, peace, and hope.

We’ve gotta keep focused on the big picture, which means being free from needless drama. Only when peaceful may I think clearly, be loving, and act from a wellspring of infinite wisdom, my logical heart.

What price are you willing to pay for “fairness?”

When trying to stand up for yourself and get a fair outcome the character flawed people become sneakier and more conniving and manipulate using other innocent people as pawns to achieve their self-serving goals. The more you try to assert boundaries and confront them with the truth, the messier it gets. Is that really what we want? More mess?

For example, the more stressed out and threatened a difficult person feels, the more they cause harm to others and themselves. The angrier, more distracted, more unreasonable and this can cause fallout as in angry outbursts, passive-aggressiveness, violence, accidents, criminal acts, etc. More discord and negativity because they can not handle the added stress. Is that what we really want in our heart of hearts? So it is only fair and honorable for the capable to keep shouldering the weight of what they are well suited to carry. It really can be no other way, it’s how the world works. Everything fits together according to what it is. So sorry, or congratulations, you can carry only what you are capable of carrying.

I can not force people who are not capable to suddenly, voila be capable? It just doesn’t work that way. I mean, I am a positive person, but that would be magic. And as far as I have experienced, this type of quantum leap in consciousness and being is not the norm. And though I love everyone dearly, that doesn’t mean I don’t get angry and upset, also believing, “It’s not fair.” I am human too. Yet, I can choose to keep healing myself and doing what I can to create the most loving life. And I can wish everyone well even though I don’t agree with their ways, I can still love them from afar while also defending myself and loved ones when necessary within reason. It is challenging to know when to hold on and when to let go 🙂 Eventually, peace wins.

Me, I want to be able to embrace and then share as much love and joy as possible and this means letting go of the concept of “It’s not fair.” How do I really know what’s fair? Can I see everything from every aspect and angle possible? Am I omnipotent and all-knowing? No, I am not….so I just do my best with what I am. Do my best with what I experience by tuning into and listening to my heart of hearts, my logical heart, and try to get better and better as I go. More peace and love are better for me. And I have the power to choose how I am being in the world. I can choose peace, love, and joy by changing my thinking, my behavior, by actively pursuing healthy ways of being. It’s not fair? Heh, oh well 🙂  Doing my best is what I’ll keep doing 🙂

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Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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