Making Your Own Way

I’ve come to a baffling realization…I am truly supported by everything, I mean for real. All of my fears, those that awaken me in a panic or keep me up at night? They haven’t happened. In fact, everything has happened the way I intended. At least the outcomes have been fruitful, though the journey was full of unexpected twists and turns, which ultimately all worked out for the best…wow. I have made it this far and continue to thrive even with many moments filled with hopelessness and defeat where I wanted to run off, live in the mountains, be a hermit with a cute pet goat as my sidekick. I am still here, growing stronger, wiser and grounded, deeply peaceful and loving. Don’t ask me how this could be when many days I felt wholly chaotic inside, ready to implode,  yet I kept going and believing, sometimes hanging by a filament of light…I kept on and made do with what showed up, even if it wasn’t what I considered ideal…I am here, I am fully supported, ready to push forward and grow some more.

All of those fearful possibilities that I stressed over never happened. I have learned that my fears are not my reality, that I am constantly in a flow towards what the most loving part of me wants. All I have to do is cooperate, by believing and following what intuitively, at the gut/heart/soul level, feels like the best action. Guided by my logical heart, I am always powerful and supported by everything, fulfilling my truest, most beneficent purpose in any circumstance. I can not fail, by existing, I am serving and anything else is lagniappe. My job is to do my best by loving life and appreciating all the beauty that brings me joy.

I have learned that I can complete everything by accomplishing small steps steadfastly, bit by bit. With consistently following through, even if it takes longer than I would like, it is all coming to fruition in the best way possible for everyone. When we are ready, when we have learned and grown, become more strong, more confident, and open, the next wonderful thing to help us comes through. By cooperating with life, there is a palpable flow and ease. Going through challenging times has helped me become more cooperative with life. I have practiced acceptance of situations beyond my control, things that I could not change no matter how creatively I tried. With acceptance, I become free and life flows. I have learned to recognize when I cannot change a situation. Accepting instead of banging my fists against a brick wall. I can then channel my energy into flowing with what I have control over, setting small goals each day, which eventually leads to the realization of those bigger goals.

The challenges have given me the opportunity to practice perseverance. I have thrived and grown in strength, developing qualities, knowledge, and skills to further the attainment of my deepest purpose in life. Everything is leading up to the best version of me. I can not fail. Everything is supporting me always, no matter how it seems. In hindsight, I can always see how everything has worked in extraordinary ways to create what serves the growth of us all. I can see how my top priorities have always been served. My core values have dictated the sequence of events without fail. Yes, there are unfortunate things that challenge us, and how we respond affects the trajectory of the outcomes of these events. The more challenges I live through, the more powerful I become because I have had practice, am still standing. I am well equipped to handle what yet may come. Life is less scary. I am becoming more powerful and free. It is safe to be me and to love life because it is always in favor of whatever grows me in exactly the ways I need. I can accept and be free. Making my own way, day by day. Each small goal met every appreciative thought, every breath, celebrating the simple joys in the moment. I am making headway. I am understanding the saying, “There are no small victories.”

I began writing this post in June. I’ve been busy with my first priority, my family, especially the children. I made a promise to myself long ago that if I had children, I would make certain that I was ready and mature enough to care for them lovingly. I wanted to provide a nurturing life for them to promote security and freedom to explore, to be fully themselves as much as possible.

I have spent the summer savoring as much time with my college-bound daughter as possible. Soaking up the sweetness of the last days before new beginnings away from home. This came way too soon, in the blink of an eye, just like I knew it would. I am thankful for every instant. Graced.

The most unexpected aspect of becoming a mother has been the impact on my self-nurturing, causing me to be fully myself as much as possible. Having children opened my awareness to the truth of our humanity and the inherent worthiness and astounding beauty of all of us and all of life. I saw that I too was the same as these precious beings, so loving, brimming with unbridled joy, brilliantly beautiful and unabashedly human, innocent, pure love. All life is innocent, we are all pure love.

The children allowed me to open myself to the truth. And I realized I needed to take care of myself so I could be the best mother for them. I had no other alternative. I loved and treasured myself as I did these wee babes entrusted to me. Motherhood graced me with the experience and embodiment of unconditional love, creating a passage to allow this boundless truth to guide me… and I’ve been making headway ever since.

In becoming a mother and trying to create the best life possible for our family, I had to do the same for myself. Integrity, being in alignment, being true to yourself in thought, being, word, and deed is the only way to be nurturing, whole, abundant, and free. When you are attuned to your soul and live in harmony with its wise guidance, you can’t help but flow love optimally. The children helped me be a good parent and friend to myself. If I wasn’t there for me, then I couldn’t be there for them either. Funny how that works.

My wondrous daughter has flown the nest. It’s been 2 long weeks since we waved furtively, blinking down tears through brave half-smiles, knowing that we will see each other again soon and yet things will never be quite the same again. A rite of passage, growing up, moving away, creating a life all your own. Making your own way ❤️