Being Loving of Yourself is the Universal Solution

Loving myself is the key to everything wonderful in this universe. I have learned this lesson the hard way, know this as truth, and yet self-love is not the easiest to practice. I falter daily with choosing the most loving ways. What is most loving of me? When I fully love and support my highest good, I can then live my best life, which also benefits everything. Where do I begin in the process of loving and being loving of myself?

First, there is a distinction to make… I can say, “I love myself,” which means I feel appreciation for and value myself, but that is purely spiritual or emotive. Loving yourself also requires action, which is being loving of yourself by consciously choosing actions that support your highest good. And that raises the question… how do I know what is most loving of myself? What parameters do I use to guide me? For example, I want to get in shape, be healthy, but it hurts my muscles and I don’t enjoy getting sweaty, takes time to work out, plus I want to eat my fried foods/sweets. Wouldn’t it be more loving to just decide getting healthier is not important because it takes too much effort and change? It would be easier to stay the same. Being comfortable and peaceful is more loving, right? I can love myself just the way I am?

Is it more loving? What about your risk of heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, your clothes are too tight, gonna have to buy bigger ones? I don’t like shopping because I have to see the extra pounds in the mirror and buy the bigger sizes. Nothing I like fits me anymore. I feel so tired and get short of breath easily, can feel my neck wattle jiggle and have a muffin top. Is it really loving for me to keep eating junk and being sedentary? How about, I can love and accept myself right now while also making changes for the better? I can love myself and also be loving of myself, by choosing to change what isn’t working.

You are beautiful, brilliant, precious, and exquisite always. The same loving energy that supports this amazing universe also flows powerfully through you. You are as valuable and magnificent as anything in existence.

How do I know what isn’t working? What can I change? What is within my power? What do I focus upon?

You can tell what isn’t working because it feels painful and creates painful experiences/situations. It is anywhere we are deceiving. Where we think we are at the mercy of a cruel and unjust world. It feels so painful that you want to avoid and deny it. You try to drive it out of your consciousness with distraction, rationalization, minimalization, excuses, defending, justifying, denying, spinning it to look the way you want it, to make it seem to work. Sometimes with outright blindness, not wanting to see the truth, boxed in by lies, deep in a cave, not realizing that we are the source of our dramas. Projecting our unwanted, disowned behaviors, emotions onto others. Manipulating and hypocritically blaming others for what we are actually perpetuating by our desperate attempts to control the outside world when actually we are the ones at cause. We are just blind to our self-sabotage. Egos run amok. Fearfully reacting instead of mindfully responding. Believing that our fearful thoughts are true, believing the stories we imagine, and believing that our past experiences are what we can expect in the future. Allowing the external world to have its way with us and believing our perceptions are the absolute truth. Fear-based living is painful.

For example, you meet someone and maybe they are a little standoffish and maybe you think you’re good at “reading” people and you tell yourself the story that this person “thinks they’re better than you” and you then take offense and make a rude comment to “put them in their place” so you’ll have the upper hand, to make you feel better and more in control? Well… what if the person you just met is only shy? And maybe your “reading” of people is all a story you are making up as you go based on your prejudices? How can we actually “know” what someone else is thinking and feeling without directly asking them? So actually you are the one who is causing the drama? Petty, isn’t it? Yet, we’ve all had moments when we are insecure and feel like others are judging us? But how can we know for sure? And why does it matter, anyway? It only matters what we believe about ourselves and we are in control of our beliefs. Why not choose to believe in a more loving story and not jump to conclusions and petty up our lives by reacting to fearful insecurities?

Focusing on what we are doing within ourselves is the answer. Changing our thoughts and choosing to act upon what is within our immediate power is the answer. Being loving of ourselves by choosing the most loving thoughts, words, beliefs, habits, and actions is the solution. It all comes from within.

When you feel fearful, powerless, struggling, and under attack…. these all show something is amiss. Your choices are not loving of you at this point. Big red flags! Eventually, you get wake-up calls where you have an opportunity to see the problem, the thing that isn’t working, or you can bury it again. We have eternity to work it all out 🙂

Actively seek a bigger view. Choosing a higher ideal is empowering.

BREAK IT DOWN

I break it down like this: my thoughts, my beliefs, my feelings, my words, my actions. We have thoughts swirling around which cause feelings that equate to our spiritual being, which connect to everything and all possibilities. And then there are the words and actions which equate to the expression of the spiritual through physical, tangible actions. Now, what influences our spiritual? Everything we experience in our relationship with the outside world and our inner world. Where does my power lie? How is anything manifested? Where does the process begin? We have these physical things at our disposal and can create, invent, change and reshape matter.

It all begins from spirit first, from thought, from belief. Ideas come first, then we make dreams real through action. I dream of being my healthiest, most vibrant, loving, productive, passionate, joyful self. My power lives in my dreams and believing first, then acting upon these beliefs. So to be loving, I must first choose the most loving thoughts and beliefs… and the kicker… it has nothing to do with what I am seeing in my physical reality. It all depends on what I am doing with my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I can look in the mirror and I see this version of me, but that does not mean this is how it has to be. My reality now does not dictate my future. But what I create from within does. Just because that’s how it’s been and I may think this is all I can ever expect, that does not mean it is true. Just because this is reality does not mean that we cannot change it. If I don’t believe and love myself first, then I can’t create anything new. I can choose loving change, or not.

I have the most influence on the quality of my experience. It is my choice to focus my energy on creating my best life. I am an expert on myself. No one else can live my life for me.

IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY

Now, does that mean I am responsible for everything in this world? Not directly, but I draw into my experience situations that match the spiritual signal I am broadcasting. My predominant energy and desires magnetize the circumstances/components which match up with me. So being most loving of myself requires being mindful of my energetic/spiritual offerings with my actions playing a supporting role. And the energy of everything is responding to each of us without fail. We are the ultimate power within our lives through the energy, the love we are allowing through our choices. I make choices with every thought, feeling, and action. My choices fuel my life and impact everything because we are all connected with everyone and everything through this loving, animating force of oneness. Some call it Divinity.

Gads, that’s a lot of responsibility. I can’t be that powerful though, really? The universe/love/divinity is responding to me always and will give me what I want? That can’t be true, because there is so much that I did not want that has happened. Do you mean I was responsible for the pain? That makes little sense. Well, we have subconscious/unconscious offerings and conscious offerings with the greatest pull/power from those things we are consciously aware of and act upon. There is also the collective consciousness that influences everything as well. So much is not within our control.

Painful events also serve the purpose of drawing attention to the areas where we were not conscious and that need healing and correction. Allowing us to choose from a higher level of awareness and honing attributes within us that give us more of what we want. Allowing expansion of love through growth. It is the nature of the universe, change, growth, expansion, creation. Pain is relative. So, no matter how it appears in our experience, life is always fueling the expansion of awareness and love. So pain, discomfort is an opportunity to grow and choose differently, hence allowing more love and growth. We all can choose and be more loving. Life is painful, there’s no avoiding it, but we can make choices to further healing and growth.

You are unique, multifaceted, multidimensional, and are essential and inseparable from all that is. Everything flows from within to without you. Be conscious, responsible, yet easy and allowing, Ebb and flow with the challenges that grow the best you.

BE THE BEST ME

If I am loving of myself first, then I can be the best me and live my best life, which is best for all. Like, if I do not get enough rest, if I am thinking worrying thoughts, am anxious, in a rush, in a tizzy, then I am not loving of me and there is fallout. I am grouchy, drop things, drive too fast, get a speeding ticket, get in a wreck and forget to bring an important document for my meeting, etc. Plus all those I encounter will probably react/reflect to me in a like manner. If I am pissy, they will be too. If I am kind, they will be too, usually.

Being loving of myself requires personal accountability balanced with gentleness, kindness, and forgiveness. We are always in process, there is diversity and we have automatic responses and are hard-wired biologically so we have variables factoring into our being which we have to work with. Things that are receptive to change and those not so receptive. So there are things we may need to accept because they are too impractical to change, so we, to be loving, will have to choose to forgive and let go of these constants. For example, my feet are flat and I grew up hating them, but now I accept them and laugh because in a way they are cute, like duck feet 🙂

DESPERATE MUCH?

Like today I woke up feeling blah, was tired, tummy in a knot, lotsa financial worries. Am pondering what’s next because I quit my second job without another one yet replacing it. Have extra life stressors, financial/legal/harassment fallout from divorce. Have been trying to rest up because of overworking, yet I work weekend nights to make the most income which is not conducive to my physical health. It’s hard to get back on a daytime schedule. I stay up late, yet have to get up early to take the kids to school. etc. Logically I know I need to rest, to be loving of myself, and also I need to make space to allow something new and better to be created in my life. I want to start my own business to make the needed extra income. Yet in the meantime, I have a household to run, kids who depend upon me. The fear was in full force this morning. I decided the most loving action would be a nap. At first, I resisted and thought of everything I could be/should do, especially working on clarity, goals, and building a website for my business, a chance for more freedom doing what I am passionate about, I needed to do this more, like asap. An urgency, desperation.

But I felt like crap. And desperation is not the best mode of action. I prefer inspiration in tandem with determination. Then these other random expectations of myself ran through my head… I need to work out, I should clean those windows, clean that mold by those vents, fix that broken drawer, fix the mailbox, sew those holes in our clothes, need to eat vegan raw, Oh I’ve gotta turn in my droid since I quit, pay these overdue bills, check the accounts, see what I can afford, need to be outside more too, need to blog and outline a workshop and start an ebook…and I finally told myself to stop…took some deep breaths, then realized I was too grouchy/anxious for any of that and succumbed to the need for rest. It took me a while to get to sleep, but I slept for 5 hours and could’ve slept more 🙂 Now I am blogging and my thoughts are not so fearful. I feel empowered by choosing to be loving of me. All these random things I think, my anxieties are not reality. I get to choose what I call forth in my reality. I can stop my fearful thoughts and make loving choices, like getting adequate rest and forgiving myself for not being/doing everything I think I should be/do. To treat me with kindness and compassion. So, having rested, I was cheerful and nurturing with my family and had a clearer mind and ease of spirit to create with.

Faithfully take that leap! Love yourself! Let go! Have fun! Life is but a dream. Being loving of yourself will create the grandest dream of all!

HEALTHY CHOICES MOMENT BY MOMENT

Each day, every moment, I get to choose. Life gives me opportunities and through my perceptions, my relation with self, others, and the environment get to create more life through my choices. What choice is most loving of me now? My logical heart is the source of the most loving answer. I need to listen to this inner wisdom, walk my talk and keep this in mind because it is the answer to everything.

CONCRETE PRACTICES TO CONSIDER

1. Get Adequate rest.

2. Be mindful of your thoughts.

3. When anxious thoughts intrude, breathe deeply and focus on what you are doing in the moment, becoming fully present. Then choose a better thought.

4. Meditate, get in touch with the real you. Have quiet alone time every day(even if you don’t like what you hear from within you… we can not change for the better that which we refuse to know. Avoiding quiet is running away from your truth.

5. Educate yourself, the internet is like a portable library, use it!

6. Do visualizations, imagine your favorite vacation or a loving memory from childhood.

7. Get physical activity outdoors if possible every day. Care for plants or a garden, herbs, a window box. Consider a pet if your life allows.

8. Name and admire positive attributes of yourself, giving credit for how far you’ve come.

9. Try something new, get out of your comfort zone, create more wonder, broaden your horizons.

10. Simplify, declutter, don’t let your possessions own you.

11. e free enough to treat yourself, to enjoy now, not saving everything for later, or waiting until you retire before you do the things you really wanna do.

12. Find things to be thankful for throughout your day.

13. Focus on everything you like and imagine, daydream about the life you would love to be living. Pretend, like when you were little 🙂

14. Encourage yourself and others by recognizing, complimenting things you admire/respect, being happy for successes. Smile, greet, make eye contact with people.

15. Hug, be affectionate every day throughout the day.

16. Appreciate the abundance everywhere, being fascinated by all the beauty, creativity, and innovations. Realizing that you can create even more than you imagined.

17. You deserve your best life.

18. Have your own special sanctuary or shelf/spot in your house decorated or minimalistic…which makes you feel welcome and makes you smile.

19. Do something playful, silly, goofy, that makes you laugh out loud every day or as much as possible. Play a childhood game, chase, blow bubbles, catch bugs, animal watch, etc.

20. Write 3 pages in a journal on most days about anything that comes to mind.

21. Gradually increase consumption of unprocessed organic foods, vegetables, nuts, fruits in place of animal products.

22. Keep an open mind, being curious about different ways of thinking and living instead of reacting fearfully. Seek understanding, common ground, oneness, and compassion.

23. Educate yourself about healthy relationships/boundaries/abuse, coping, emotional intelligence/maturity life skills.

24. Seek professional help, counseling, holistic practices, alternative therapies if not able to cope. Seeking help is an act of strength and love.

25. Make small steps towards your dreams whenever you can.

26. Make a vision board to keep you visually motivated.

27. Seek mentors, expand your social network to keep you motivated and energized by those who have attained levels of success/love you aspire to. Attend workshops.

You are a lifelong learner, seeker, grower, sower of love.

Remember you are the only one capable of choosing how you live your life, yet we are all in this together.

Your truth, your highest mental, spiritual and physical health while you are living the life of your dreams, benefits us all.

Give Yourself A Big Hug! Or an inflatable unicorn kiss! 😀

And lastly, this is a visualization and affirmation I’ve been using this month. I close my eyes and imagine myself being spooned by someone I love, feeling the security, warmth, and peace encompassing me and suffusing me until I smile blissfully from my heart and I think this affirmation, “I allow myself to be loved.” It helps me feel worthy and deserving, even when life gets me down and I do not feel alone. It helps me remember I am precious and loved always, no matter what, as are we all 🙂 Hugs!