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Here’s what has happened and it happens to us all. We get knocked down and lose our way for a while. We lose our trust and confidence in ourselves and the universe. Temporarily we backslide and revert back to our old programming, for example, I become harsh with myself, hypercritical and disappointed, feeling small and inadequate. All of the issues I thought I had outgrown resurface and it’s like starting over again.

So it’s a process, where I start again and again, until I make it past that hurdle and get back to making progress until I am back on course. And funny thing is, I realize that what seemed like a setback was only a twisty way to grow even better, ever deepening my resilience, strength, awareness and compassion. Resulting in a more solid foundation to create from. Revealing more truths, releasing more baggage that doesn’t serve me, those fears that held me back have been worked through by going through hardships. I realize that I’ve made it to the other side and things worked out after all. All that I was afraid of was mostly imaginary. Proved me wrong.ย  I’m still here, we’re ok after all.

Yes, it was challenging, but it was worth it.

So I’m starting again now, it’ll be so worth it ๐Ÿ™‚

Even if I am not how I used to be, that the challenges I’ve been through have worn and wizened me, I am still here, I am not done yet and exactly how do I wish to spend the moments I have left?

I start now, in every moment, with every breath, it’s an opportunity to truly live with passion, purpose, joy and appreciation, or I can choose to stay small and seemingly comfortable, on autopilot, cordoned off and merely existing, safe,ย  but feeling hollow, uneasy and trapped at best.

Yes, it’s hard. My brain tells me to keep doing things that I know don’t help me, because that’s what it’s been doing for years. So I have to keep on rewriting the script in my head and also in my heart until I have a better story and healthier path to follow. It took years to wear these neural grooves, so it will take some repetition and work to make new healthier ones. And those hurts buried deep within me have to be healed, so sometimes it takes the challenges and some drama/triggers to unearth them where I can realize they’re still there and heal them in the light of day.

Better to start now than never at all.

Our freedom is worth it.

We are all the same in spirit. All of this is made up and temporary here. So what is there truly to fear. And if we’re all made of the same stuff, then why do we hurt one another so? We are one. And our energy lives on after these physical bodies are released.

Why do I still care so much about being judged? I’m tired of wearing makeup, yet I still do because I don’t feel presentable without it, I feel prettier with it and more confident. Is this a bad thing? I haven’t quite figured it out yet. But I do know that I am definitely treated better when I am well groomed and more “attractive.”

Yet we are all the same in spirit, equal, so why do we pay attention to these bodies so much? I mean keeping them healthy is good though. But physical attractiveness really isn’t all that important, what matters most is how we treat ourselves, one another and how we live our lives. Are we kind, are we compassionate, considerate, purposeful, accountable, responsible, ethical, joyous, appreciative and loving? Do we seek win win scenarios and develop ourselves into the healthiest versions of ourselves, where our thoughts, feelings and actions are aligned with love and the highest good for all? Do we actively work on being the change we wish to see in the world? If others aren’t being the change, there’s negativity in the world, then is there any way I myself can make an impact on promoting love, abundance, flow, joy, connection and harmony?

How can I be most effective?

None of this depends on my physical attractiveness, yet my self empowerment impacts how effective I am in being the change. So for me either I reprogram my thinking about being judged based on my appearance, so it really doesn’t matter, or I keep doing what I’ve been doing because maybe it’s not worth the effort to unlearn this, or maybe I experiment to see how it feels to go without makeup more consistently. Maybe it really doesn’t matter? Somehow though, part of me knows that it makes people happy, they appreciate something that’s more attractive or prettied up and it uplifts them. I guess that’s why there’s fashion, and all the frou frou bells and whistles. And I like brightening someone’s day, it feels joyful and respectful. And that feels good. I have mixed feelings and am figuring this out gradually.
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I am taking action now, no matter if I don’t feel ready, don’t feel worthy, it doesn’t do anyone any favors to wait, because frankly, I’m tired of excuses, I’m tired of thinking about what I want, I am starting now, because before I know it, time will have had it’s way with me and I’ll be in the same spot, waiting for the right time. I’m good enough now, I’ve got a lot to offer now, I am deserving now. I want my best life now. I want to help the world be more joyous, loving and kind.

How about y’all? How’s this sound? Let’s start now! ๐Ÿ˜€ <3 <3 <3

 

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Michelle Miyagi
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