What Would You Say to Your Younger Self?

I’ve come across posts and videos about what people would want their younger selves to know and it’s always touching.

What would I say to my younger self?

To my young child self , “It’s okay, keep being curious, playful, creative and joyous.”

You are learning, growing and your main priority is to be the joy that you are as much as you’re allowed.

The adults have the power and what happens or doesn’t is largely up to them. It’s not your fault and you will undoubtedly internalize all of your childhood experiences and may blame yourself.

It happens to us all, the mixed bag parenting, the bullies, naysayers, judgers…the behaviors, ideas, social conditioning, trauma and pain passed down through generations.

But you will tend to minimize the bad times and focus on whatever fun you can dive into. You will want to do whatever it takes to avoid the boring, avoid discomfort and seek out the excitement, the fascinating, the most joy, the most exhilarating and awe inspiring. You haven’t learned to dial yourself down yet in order to suit others. Good!

But the world has other expectations of you, so you abide by its demands.

You will develop defense mechanisms which will help you endure and keep you resilient. It’s okay. You are always worthy, cherished and loved no matter what frightening experiences may cause you to feel otherwise.

Your spirit is always whole and the love that animates everything is eternally ever-present for you to retreat to deep within your heart and being. You naturally gravitate and reset to love, you never lose touch with that truth you know at your core, your logical heart. As a child you hear it very keenly and clearly. It’s what helps you persevere.

You haven’t learned to deny your negative emotions yet and they flow readily, you cry when you need to, you get angry too, you are acutely connected to your truth and inherently know when the world is being illogical and unreasonable.

This is healthy and beautiful, try to hold onto this purity as much as possible.

You will experience times of joy and freedom with extended family members, your friends and during your artistic, imaginative pursuits. Focus on these times for they will sustain the love and truth in you. You will be reminded that there is the possibility of more. You also will experience those times though fragmentedly with your immediate family, embrace those fully, for while you are a child, they help you stay bright.

As you get older, you begin to conform and deny what you know, in order to meet acceptance and approval. Those defense mechanisms are in full force now and you try to be perfect. You do everything you can to change yourself to please your family and society. Still, it’s not enough. You are punished and criticized harshly and profusely, unpredictably. You live in a Jekyll and Hyde environment and it sows chaos within and around you.

Your true self retreats further within as a protective mechanism. You feel deeply unworthy, anxious and alone. It’s okay, it’s understandable that you respond this way. Most of us do during painful times.

The truth is that you are always worthy, lovable, are never alone, and there’s an accessible wellspring of calm, peace and connection deep within that you can never lose touch with, the pure love and acceptance of your logical heart.

It’s the fabric of the universe and your being, that eternal love that is everything, that’s what you are. The oneness that your logical heart is always aware of. There’s nothing you can do, there’s nothing that can happen that will change or diminish the brilliance that you truly are.

It wont feel this way though. And that’s what impels you to break away from the chaos. Yet you trade it for a different chaos still, though less confining as time goes on.

You see, you have known a lot of adversity, so it’s hard to know what’s real.

As a teen you will become more influenced by your peers and society. You’re trying to find your place in the world. You care about belonging and fitting in more acutely than ever.

You are not an object for others to take advantage of though the world will try its best to manipulate and control you.

Try to remember that you are worthy of the utmost care and respect. Try to love yourself and maintain healthy boundaries.

You’ve been raised to put other’s and society’s demands above your own. It’s hard to remember that you are just as worthy, but you are. You deserve equal treatment. Have just as much compassion for yourself as you have for others. If it feels off, then trust your instincts. Trust what you know deep down. You’re right. You’re not crazy, there’s really nothing wrong with you at all.

Your wonderful friends will help you remember what’s real and true. They help you maintain balance and provide you a safe haven with no demands except to be you and have fun together.

Through it all your mother, though she’s supposedly the unstable person will be the most consistent, logical, and loving out of any of the adults in your immediate family. You learn so much about what’s most important in life from her.

Your extended family also offers their love and support. Rely on those memories to remind you that you are accepted and loved unconditionally. Remember the freedom and fun you had with your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. You are loved, no strings attached.

As a young adult you will finally leave the familial drama but now have a parting gift of emotional, psychological baggage which you’re ill equipped to heal just yet. It will take you a long time to figure it all out and in the meantime your anxiety and fear keeps you stuck in unhealthy behaviors and situations. More drama, you don’t know any better. You’ve traded one prison for another 🙂

As a young adult my advice would be to focus on healing yourself. Don’t rush into any other relationships until you’ve found your way back to your true self and healed. Get help, don’t be afraid to ask for help. What you’ve learned to accept in life is not healthy and you can change it, you don’t have to put up with it anymore. Go live with your relatives in California or move far away from Louisiana. Go no contact totally from the drama. You have that power now.

Choose yourself and your health, your sanity and your best life sooner. Don’t let fear, obligation, guilt and misplaced loyalty keep you trapped.

Love yourself first, then everything else will get better, you’ll see!

Educate yourself, read everything you can get your hands on about healthy relationships, boundaries, abuse in all its forms, (covert hidden verbal emotional psychological abuse), anxiety, depression, grief, emotional regulation, codependency, personality disorders, trauma, human development, sociology, psychology, systems of oppression (domination, power, control, exploitation), women’s empowerment, healing modalities like meditation, mindfulness, shifting your thoughts, philosophy, ethics, self help, health, personal development, spirituality, neurobiology, even physics.

Expand your mind, be curious and deeply question anything that isn’t helpful and loving…search for anything that could possibly help and put it into practice.

Your intuition, heart, spirit, core values and logic will guide you well if you will trust and listen to your logical heart.

Stop chasing outer things to try and get by. It doesn’t matter how flat your abs are or your social status, your romantic status or what you have. Society’s obsession with romance, voyeurism, sex, fame, physical appearance and fortune is a ruse, a dead end, a distraction from what will truly empower you. It’s a trap.

It matters most how you are being from within, your relationship with your thoughts, your feelings, your inner peace, your self love and empowerment. You need to work from the inside out. Get to know yourself again, get real intimate with that fun loving precious girl so full of mischief and light, she will set you free!

Go see the free therapist at university. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Join a self help/support group. Invest in what truly helps you and brings you joy, purpose and meaning. Try different approaches and see what works for you.

Just think if you’d spend most of your money and time on personal development/healing, learning, creativity, meaningful, win-win service and travel instead of potions/makeup, alcohol, clothes, music, gadgets, food and entertainment? What if you actually got a degree in music, theater or art instead of nursing?

You have nothing to prove to anyone. And your life doesn’t have to be practical and secure all the time. It’s important to explore, take risks and live from your heart.

What brings you the most flow, meaning and joy?

You have agency over your life now.

It’s scary because if the people who are supposed to care about you the most have hurt you the most, then what’s the outside unknown world gonna be like? You’ve seen how two faced, manipulative, deceptive and crazymaking people can be. Of course you’re even extra fearful and skeptical, but you’ll never know if you don’t try?

Fortunately it can be effing fantastic! But that’s up to you.

You have the power to change yourself and your life.

What are you waiting for?

I love you!

You’re finally doing it! Yay! 😀 <3

I’m so proud of and happy for you!

What would you say to your younger self? Journal it out!

Michelle Miyagi
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