Doing Scary Things

What’s scary for me may be easy to others and vice versa. We’re all so unique and we really can’t compare ourselves to each other. It doesn’t help to compare except when empathizing for compassion and understanding.

I did something this week that I’ve never done and it was scary for me. I’ve never quit a job without giving notice. I was on the fence about one of the jobs I’d just started wondering how long I should persevere. I wanted to give it a chance though it didn’t feel like a good fit.

The work culture was inconsistent, they would say all the right, encouraging things, but the underlying energy and nonverbal communication, plus power struggles and dynamics I observed in passing, were immature, hostile, passive aggressive, judgmental and controlling.

I couldn’t discern if my anxiety about the job was because I was new and learning, or if it was the environment. I didn’t feel welcome or at ease, though everyone on the surface was supportive, I couldn’t wait to finish my shifts and was anxious prior to working, way more than just new employee jitters.

A better job opportunity presented itself and after meditating and getting in a clear frame of mind I decided that it would be best to quit the misaligned job right away instead of torturing myself and wasting their resources because I knew I’d probably quit eventually, why delay?

I struggled with it though because I don’t like to quit without giving it my best effort and I like to be fair, respectful and gracious.

I decided to claim my power and just do what I knew was best for me. It was hard, I felt really bad, my heart racing, face flushed, throat dry, I wanted to cry! I had to talk myself into it, but I quit, in person.

What a relief it was!

I started the other job the next day and this job feels right, aligned, I feel at ease, welcome and happy to be there.

So I did a scary thing. I’ve been doing more and more scary things!

And you know what?

The more scary things I do, the better life is becoming. And the more I try new things, the more practice I’m getting at being courageous while figuring out what’s right for me. I’m building a stronger character.

2020 will be my year of doing scary things because I want to clear away all the blocks in my awareness, to align with the true power of love within me that connects with all. I want to be as true as possible. It sounds uber cheesy, but I want to shine a brilliant love all over this place.

Right now I feel a bit dull and filmy, wanna shake off these cobwebs and dance, lol 😀

From now on I will listen and act promptly when my logical heart tells me that something is not right for me. I will shut down my doubts and trust my true self more implicitly. I will practice my courage and be totally honest with myself so I can act from a place of love and alignment.

So be it, so it is.

Who wants to join in and do more scary things with me this year?! 😀 💖

Michelle Miyagi
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