Self Honor

Another feeling tired night and waiting for something to catch hold in my mind to write here. Wanted to cheat again and share another excerpt from Carokashu, lol 🙂

I’m feeling relieved and eager because I have several days off in a row this week. Over the past weeks my schedule has been erratic due to me trying to find work that is a good fit for keeping my energy vitalized.

I started off with 5 jobs and now that’s whittled away to 2. I’m proud of myself for venturing out of my comfort zone, exploring and trying different jobs. Then having the courage to quit what wasn’t a good fit. I chose to honor myself first. That is huge for me.

I don’t believe I’m alone in this. We do things because we think our choices are limited and we attempt to please others, or stay in compromising situations because we don’t want to be quitters. We don’t want to lose, something is better than nothing or the unknown may be worse. Or we don’t want to disappoint or cause trouble, so we keep trying or stay until we can’t take it anymore. All the while we’re causing trouble for ourselves with our dishonesty and misplaced loyalties. Twisted huh?

These days I’m choosing to be loyal to myself more and more. With each action I take that honors my values and takes me closer to what I want to feel and experience, my fear and doubts fade. Trust grows stronger while things fall into place repeatedly with each step while a deep peace arises from the center of me, like I am home and I feel open, fearless and free.

I realize that my frustrations and irritations with others were not really about them, but it was because I wasn’t being loyal to me. I was stuck and it was easier to focus on the close, smaller issues in an attempt to make me feel better. If I could get others to pitch in and help then that would take some weight off of me was the logic. This was a resistance, delay, avoidance tactic though because to get unstuck was a bigger, scarier undertaking, that only I could do.

I’m finally doing it, it’s been a gradual, nonlinear process, but I’m getting closer and closer. I want to be my own boss. I want to be insanely creative. I want to revitalize myself so I can learn more and explore ways to make a bigger difference. I couldn’t do that while also being in a dead end career that I’m no longer aligned with.

I’m doing it, honoring and being true to myself and my resentment is lifting, what a relief. I am no longer imprisoning myself and hopefully will not revert back to that trap again 🙂

Are you honoring and being loyal to your true self? Are you frequently irritated and resentful? Maybe there’s a bigger issue you might be avoiding. I’m so happy that I finally figured it out 🙂 I feel so much better! 😀

“Losses aren’t cataclysmic if they teach the heart and soul their natural cycle of breaking and healing. A real tragedy is the loss of the heart and soul themselves. If you’ve abandoned yourself in the effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned. Just like that, your heart and soul will return home.”
Martha Beck