Patience and Perseverance

I’m so glad I got to go on my nature walk yesterday, cuz there’s been even more snow here! Brrrr again! I’m so happy that I don’t need to drive anywhere today. I’m so thankful I live in a warm, cozy, quiet place and have hot tea and groceries 😀 I can burrow in and have modern technology, the internet and streaming shows I can indulge in if I want. We’re really fortunate. Extremely grateful here.

There’s always a pull in the back of my mind though and it’s that I’m not quite where I need to be as far as feeling purposeful in my life. I’m taking steps to remedy this, yet I get impatient. It’s days like today where I’m really feeling lazy and tell myself it’s okay to relax and have a day off…it haunts me…I feel like I can’t get enough done and the “shoulds” start barking at my heels.

Ya know that unsettling feeling?

Where you want to be further along than you are, so it’s hard to just chill? But your energy level is too low to be that productive, so you kinda rest, but you feel pulled from the pit of your stomach and have a catch in your throat because you know what you want and it’s so close, you’re stretching to grasp it from that high shelf and looking for something like a spoon to extend your reach so you can tip it over the edge and catch it?

Yeah, that feeling 🙂 meh

Your heart simmers, it’s on the back burner, a slow burn, that purpose you’re so wanting in your life. That creativity, depth, meaning, connection, sharing, helping, healing yourself and others…transcending and transforming, extending more love. Having that juicy inspiration and flow going on.

But you’re too effing tired, lmao! (don’t tell anyone, but I may be getting O.L.D.)

Every morning you wake up and it’s the first thing you think about and the last thing you think about before you fall asleep. How can I make a difference. What can I do to not die with my music still in me. How to figure it out? What to explore and experiment with next? Where’s the win-win-win here?

It’s like I’m back in my twenties again, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life again, so weird because I’m 55! My foot and leg hurts, I limp sometimes, my whole body hurts after work, my hands sometimes go numb, my middle finger on my right hand is stiff and achy, my vision isn’t as great as it used to be, I got the wobbles (MdDS)… getting a bit decrepit, am I just delusional thinking I can start over here? 😀

Just making excuses, I have doubts and fears because it’s a vulnerable and humbling experience to basically start over.

I’m not gonna let anything stop me though. I’ve come a very very long way and persevered this far. I’m closer than ever. I’m strong, resourceful and resilient. And so many have helped me along the way and I’m forever thankful to all of you. I hold so many in reverence and gratitude in my heart and you keep me buoyed and steady towards my purposeful destination. It’s just on the horizon. I can see it emerging in the distance.

I can feel the wind picking up and I’ll soon be sailing swiftly to meet it, that purposeful something that will bring forth the most exquisite music from the depths of me. Providing a soothing balm to those who are eager to receive what I can uniquely flow in perfect alignment that fills in the pieces to this human puzzle. Making whole, filling all the gaps, cracks and crevices with exactly what is needed.

I have an idea, it may help me sail faster. My friend Kimberly suggested that I expand on one of my blog posts, make it into an ebook, but I want to do more than that. I’m researching on how to host a Facebook group challenge, inspired by doing The Ignite Video Challenge by Niamh Arthur. https://lightitupvideo.com/challenge-waitlist/

Highly recommend the Ignite Video challenge if you want to learn how to improve your video making skills! Amazing experience! 😀

So I have more experimenting and exploring to do on my journey to rediscover my purpose in this second half of my life! Must have patience, not my strong suit when it comes to myself. I’m very patient with others though! Getting better at patience with myself, not much of a choice in the matter, lol!

I welcome any helpful input, comments or suggestions!

Finding my way yet again.

I promised my daughter Aidan that I’d live till I was at least 120, but I’d look like Yoda by then 😀 So I’ve got plenty of years left to not die with my music still in me, lmao! I try to keep my promises, so I can’t die yet, heh 🙂

“Patience you must have my young padawan.” Yoda