The Logical Heart Knows Best

Honestly, I’m so tired right now 🙂 I’m determined to keep up with my daily creative output challenge though, so here I am, waiting for words to type themselves.

I am preoccupied with my relatives in California and wish I could be there.

Being a mortal human just sucks sometimes and there’s no way around it.

All of the emotional waves, processing until there’s some semblance of acceptance and eventually surrender. It feels like powerlessness at times, that’s when I sink deeper and access the base energy that connects us all, I stay present and hold space. There’s nothing else to be done, what can I do when it’s not something I can control. The most I can do is witness and be as loving as I am able. To be with everyone in reverence and embracing whatever is happening with the depths of infinite love that transcends this worldy experience.

At work today, I tried to stay peaceful and pleasant. I’d say hello to clients and found that many were chilly and basically ignored me. I wondered why and had those defensive thoughts for a minute, then remembered, it doesn’t matter. And I took deep breaths, let go and smiled. What petty things my thoughts think sometimes, but it’s okay. I didn’t get lost in grievances and I then focused on that love energy I’m cultivating, because I want it to be my default state.

I also want to keep my loving vibes up, sending them to California where hopefully the pieces of my heart I left behind reverberate that love to them.

I had a nap after I got home from work, awakened, bathed, fed and watered myself, treated myself to an episode of Queer Eye while eating a frozen banana blended with peanut butter (thanks Royale, it was yummy like you said!) Did laundry and dishes and here I am letting my fingers type whatever flows out.

Wishing I could have spent more time with my relatives and blown away by how the time goes by like it does. You think you have so much time, you have years, but it’s never enough really.

My heart feels full and empty all at once. It’s a tugging, gripping, weighty sensation in the top of my breastbone, a heaviness and bone-deep weariness that presses, burning behind my eyes.

I wish for so many things and after grappling for a while I give up and decide to be thankful for all that I have been graced with. I soothe myself with all of the loving memories and suddenly the tight grasping places open, release and are flooded with the warmth of gratitude.

It hurts, but that just means I’ve known great love and what more could I want for? And there’s nothing to be done about it, except to keep loving. And the love keeps becoming ever more vast, deep, all-encompassing, expanding forever. No matter how it seems here, the truth is we are not these bodies and we are always together in spirit as this wild and glorious energy of love.

Knowing this comforts me and my hope is that by sharing, this also comforts you. ?

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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