Trust

Reconnecting with relatives, some whom I haven’t seen for over 40 years has had me wishing we could’ve somehow been able to visit more in the past. We just lived so far apart from each other that it was too difficult.

We all wish we could spend as much time together with loved ones as possible and feel wistful, maybe regretful that we can’t. It feels like you’re missing out.

I have heart pangs about it with flashes of berating myself for not being more successful so that I could have the time and means to travel/visit.

Logically I realize that I did the best I could, like we all did. We all have our own lives and families with all of the inherent challenges. There’s really no way we can possibly invest in all of the relationships we’d like to have. We’re limited in how much time, energy and resources we can spread around.

So it’s okay. I have to be happy with the times we did get to share together, be grateful that we even got to enjoy each other at all. Hopefully we’ll be able to make more memories in the future too.

There are so many wonderful relationship opportunities, such abundance, that we do have to miss out, there’s no way we can pursue them all. The same goes for everything, there are so many choices in life, we can’t choose to invest in everything that interests us, just not possible, we have to sleep after all 🙂

Now that I’m getting up in years, it’s easier to accept my limitations, the FOMO is fading, I’m too effing tired, lmao! I relish peace, quiet and solitude more and more.

Yet I do love visiting with lovely family and friends, it’s even more precious to me now.

But I don’t have that restless, anxious drive to seek for more connection, novelty, thrills and fun like when I was younger. I guess because I’ve done it already and realize the answers aren’t there. Plus hormones, lol.

Actually there’s so much within that needs tending to that I overlooked in my hasteful youth, so that’s been an ever greater focus now as I age. I value peacefulness above all. It helps me be more loving, kind and true.

I’m finally saying no to what isn’t aligned with or healthy for me. I’m trusting that if I keep experimenting I will hit upon what works best for me and it’ll all work out. I’m tired of forcing myself to do things that are soul crushing because it’s what others want from me, or I feel desperate to make a living. I’m doing what’s loving of me and the fears, it’s funny, the fears aren’t getting to me like they used to. I guess my trust is growing stronger.

I trust that I will be spending just enough time with every one and that I will connect, share, grow and learn with all the right people. I trust that there will be an exchange of love with every one I encounter, no matter how it seems on the surface. I trust that one day we will all wake up to the real world and laugh because it’s all been a dream and we’ve really always been together as one infinite love.

I trust that like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz we’ve never left home. It was only just a dream 🙂 ?