Trickster Universe

The Logical Heart Knows Best

I’ve been wanting to write about this since it happened but didn’t and it slipped my mind until now. I had written a sticky note reminder that got lost in the shuffle because it’s been over 14 months. So much has changed in such a short period of time.

It was Christmas time 2018, we’d been in Colorado a little over 4 months and had already moved from one apartment to another and I was already switching jobs too. Looking back, it was stressful, but we were still just so grateful for it all.

The children were visiting. I was so happy they were here and wanted everything to be perfect and fun for them. I’d been missing them more than I realized. It’s curious how while they’re away you do truly miss them, but when you actually see them again, you’re reminded of how lovely and wonderful they are and how empty it’s been without their beautiful energy and love 🙂

You go, ahhh, they’re back, all’s right in the world again, you feel you’ve really come home too, they make home feel even more like home 😀 Actually your home is wherever they are, your hearts are forever entwined, it’s that way when you have unconditional love like that I suppose. I feel so fortunate, am so appreciative and thankful. I’m so proud of them too!

We went up in the mountains looking for rockhounding sites without success. We’d gotten up to the Woodland Park area and I calculated that if we left by a certain time going back the way we came, it would remain light the whole way back. I especially wanted to avoid driving on the curvy mountain roads at night. I’m pretty much blind in my left eye and am getting more nearsighted as I age and sometimes my night vision is poor especially if I’m tired.

I had the kids google the navigation route back as I was driving. I didn’t realize it, but it had chosen the “quickest” route which was through the mountains. It was still light, the sun was setting, it was a beautiful drive then, I kept wondering when we’d turn off to the interstate, lol. That never happened, it got dark and it became a treacherous drive from hell, lmao!

The roads were narrow and curvy, those shelf type roads I think they call them. I was thankful it was too dark to see the drop off where we could plunge to our deaths. I’d round a corner and walls of rock greeted me, the road would wind again. I’d turn my brights on until a random car would appear going the other direction, I’d hurriedly flick them off then back on again. Some locals would get caught behind me…me going at a sloth”s rate on the unfamiliar terrain, there’d be few places to pass. I’d keep telling myself it’s ok, they’ll just have to be patient. I wanted us to survive, lol.

It was taking forever, this is not the fastest route Google! Stupid Google! Don’t you know I’m old, blind and petrified!

Because I was not a local I couldn’t take it fast vroom vroom…curve after curve along the ledges carved into the mountainside. I put-puttered gingerly, carefully, my eyes wide, unblinking, hands gripped with sweats of terror on the wheel.

I kept apologizing for going so slowly, the kids were quiet and patient, they wanted to live too, lol. At one point as we passed a lonely residence I panicked and fantasized about stopping there and begging to stay the night until I could drive by the morning light.

I kept telling myself, not much longer, you can do this, you’ve got to get the kids back safely, you’ve got this. It can’t be that much longer to the interstate.

I felt like we were in a slow-motion time warp, I kept having to deep breathe silently, center myself, focus and stay calm. I didn’t want to frighten the kids. I had to talk myself down from the proverbial ledge.

We finally made it to a highway, but it was so dark, no street lights, the windows were slightly foggy making everything blurry, hazy…aaaagghhh! I tried to speed up, but I wanted us to live! so I was the slowest person on the road, but better that than to plunge to our death like Toonces the Driving Cat, heh.

Finally, we made it to a familiar landmark, Google Siri whatever guided us to the interstate that had lights, yay! I could see! We were almost home! I could unclench my butt cheeks then and loosened my grip, breathed a big sigh of relief, we made it, we almost died, but we didn’t!

I did it! I was strong enough after all! I’d done research beforehand to avoid the perilous drive, it didn’t work, the universe had other sneaky plans for me. It wanted to show me that I was stronger and more capable than I thought, it proved me wrong. I really needn’t be so careful and fearful, that it’s okay to go on more adventures, explore, experiment, have fun.

I felt accomplished and triumphant like I’d won a battle (with myself).

Clever universe, you sly scallywag, showing me I’ve still got it after all 😀 Even though they’ve been sending me invites to join AARP since I turned fifty, I’ve resisted. Even though I’m having to hold labels further away to read them, I’ve resisted the reading glasses, lol. Maybe I’m not too old after all. I can still do what I’ve always dreamed of, travel, go out on the town, go into the wild if I wanna. Still kickin’ here.

I’ve got this. I’m not as scaredy pants since then is the point I’m trying to make and neither should y’all be either! Well, a little bit is ok, but the universe may have other plans to show you (trickster it is) so might as well stop avoiding and just go for it!

That reminds me, I’ve got another story to tell about then, the kids first visit here…maybe tomorrow?

Love and hugs y’all ? Get out and have more adventures!

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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