It Hits Home

Anyone have a bit of insomnia these days? I maybe slept 2 hours last night and I couldn’t even stay asleep that long in my after-work nap. I’m wiped out. When I took this early morning hours job I was planning on being productive the rest of the day after work, but it hasn’t turned out that way. I’m just too exhausted and wobbly afterward, so I surrender and rest.

It doesn’t help that I check the news for updates, but I want to know so I can be responsible and know what’s best to do. I am concerned and a bit on edge, I don’t see how one could not be?

I distracted myself by watching The Durrells in Corfu, it transports me to their loving, touching, beautiful and humorous family adventures. It’s also lush and stunning set in the 1930s.

When disasters and tragedies happen, I go through times where it all feels surreal and many of my everyday activities, my job, feel insignificant, meaningless and pointless.

It hits home that things can change in an instant and it makes me question just how am I embracing the time I have left. I question what has value and meaning in my life and sharp points of clarity pierce through, I wake up for a moment. Like a veil has been lifted.

What matters most? How can I live in a way that makes the most difference that helps me and everyone else the most? Where can I be more purposeful and impactful in life?

I ask why I’m doing anything that isn’t in alignment with the highest meaning and purpose for the greatest creative expression that also serves the greater good? And I get queasy because I’m just not there yet and time keeps tick tick ticking.

Then my resolve kicks in as it always does and I use the contrast of the surreal sorrow that is erupting around me, it feels close, yet it’s way across the world or maybe nearer, but it hasn’t reached me in person yet. This reminds me to keep going because I still have time, I’ve come this far, can’t turn back now. I’ve got to honor that, I get to keep stretching, expanding, serving. I get to do my part, to help somehow in a way that only I can, because we’re all so unique in our human personas. I want to rise and keep rising 🙂

This encourages me and empowers me when otherwise there is a sense of powerlessness because it is out of my control, the disaster, the death, the tragedy and fragility of being human. I can continue to do my best, stay clear, stay awake, present and keep rising 🙂 Keep loving ?

I resolve to take more risks, to stop playing small, even though I’m scared, everything’s worked so far. I trust that since I’m still here, it’ll work some more, it’s up to me.

So I made my Spring Hamster Routine for Audaciousness tonight.

Here’s what I want to do on my days off and I’ll do some of the activities on workdays as well.

Read ACIM/Meditate 1 hour
Work on Business/Facebook Course 1 hour
Workout/Yoga 1 hour
Carokashu write at least a paragraph
Nature Walk 1 hour
Blog Post/Video
Music/Dance/Art 30 mins
Read/Journal/Coursework 30 mins to an hour
Typing 15 mins
Duolingo 15 mins

Toastmasters/Meetup Groups/CGC Watercooler/Coaching Calls: Attend
Explore, go on adventures more often, at least once a month.

I’ve printed this list and have it next to my computer so I can’t ignore it. I’ve done this before and it helps me stay on track. I may not get it all done, but I always get some done and that’s better than none done 😀

Maybe now’s a good time to add something to your routine, to expand, engage, take small steps to more meaning, purpose, service, and fulfillment in your life. Especially since we might be spending more time at home, why not take the chance to explore a new interest?

Sending love to everyone during these concerning times. Ginormous hugs too 🙂 ???

Michelle Miyagi
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