Slow Swerve

The Logical Heart Knows Best

I’ve been reading online to educate myself on the pandemic and what’s the best course of action and what to expect. I’ve also been on social media more because I’m concerned about every one and also to stay connected, to feel less isolated, ya know?

Mostly it’s encouraging, but other times it’s like a slap in the face when it’s apparent that so many people are so concrete, narrowly focused, or totally misguided. They miss the point and nothing you say can get through to them, it’s like they’re blocked, or their neurology/brains don’t work the same way, they aren’t capable or something? It’s so strange?

It’s like they live in a different reality or another plane of existence? It doesn’t click, it’s like they’ve worn a groove in their neural networks and it’s irreparably stuck, so you can’t communicate with them, they don’t comprehend, it doesn’t compute for them.

That’s when I save myself and stop engaging because the discussion begins going off on tangents and in circles, then people start name calling and personally attacking with insults, etc. That’s when I let them have at it and disengage, run, run away! I wish you well, but I know when it’s futile and I don’t want to waste my energy. Not gonna.

I did go on my walk today and I felt more comfortable. I went earlier in the day, there were fewer people out and when I saw someone approaching from far away, I’d begin walking off the path in the grass so we’d be 6 feet apart, I did a slow swerve 🙂

I am feeling unsettled with the world destabilizing. I had a plan before, now I am reconfiguring my approach. At this point, I’m letting myself be spacious, absorbent, taking it all in and just focusing on the day before me. The future is in flux and volatile, so it’s best for me to deal with what’s happening right now, be gentle and allow it to all sink in, let the emotions flow freely and stay grounded so I can maintain clarity and calm.

I took breaks from the internet and watched The Durrells in Corfu, though when I got texts on my phone I couldn’t help but check for updates on the pandemic which disrupted me trying to distract myself with the TV. It’s like I can’t fully relax, the pandemic is looming and I can’t ignore it.

Then I finally inflated my exercise ball and did the Denise Austin workout I’d been planning on doing since last week. It felt good. I opened the sliding door on our balcony to let the cool air in. I wasn’t as out of shape as I thought, I could still do most of it, and it didn’t kill me.

I want to read books, finish doing Steve Pavlina’s Stature course, I have listened to all of the lessons, but haven’t done all of the workbook exercises, but I can’t concentrate. Maybe tomorrow or the next day I’ll be able to use this time more efficiently. For now, I’m going with whatever feels like it’ll help the most. I’m giving myself permission to have plenty of space to deal and grapple with this jolt to our world.

There is so much debate, speculation, conspiracy theories, political division, blame-shifting and even religiosity going on. It’s a mess, really. I don’t want to be in the middle of all that. I don’t want to hear about conspiracy theories or what I need to do to get into heaven because it’s the apocalypse. Why not invest our energy into what’s really gonna be effective, on the solutions, on the facts, on science and all of us help to do the least harm, to use our common sense, to create the most unity, harmony, teamwork, interdependence, and peace. Take a step back and ask ourselves, is this what I’m contributing, is it helping, or is it stirring the pot, adding more chaos to the mix. Be compassionate, kind, supportive, loving, hold space and serve in some capacity.

Some of the things people were saying were so tangential and pointless, like adolescents arguing just because they can. Sheesh.

That’s when I remember, oh, that’s why over the years I’ve stopped participating in discussions on social media, lmao. But in this situation, if I didn’t have social media…wow, it’d be that much more challenging and isolating. I’m so thankful we have the technology.

There were even more free offerings and people doing zoom sessions, Facebook lives, to help others cope, to support each other. Most of my online experience was again lovely today 🙂

They finally closed the pool/hot tub and fitness center here in our complex. At Drue’s workplace, it’s a skeleton crew. The occupancy is very low, all the amenities are closed there too. It looks like most people living here are at home, the parking lot has been full all day. That’s good 🙂

I believe people are mostly staying in now? I hope so. It seems that the world is now taking it more seriously. It looks like we’re in for a long, bumpy and sad ride.

Trying to regain my footing here, how about y’all? Continuing to send all of my love, wanting the best outcomes possible for all ?

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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