Snoozed

I spent even less time online today. What I was reading was heartbreaking. And what can I do to change it? On social media there are still people who are minimizing the pandemic, continuing to be skeptical and saying it’s a hoax. There are others online and in the government who value money over lives. As a former nurse, this is not surprising because that’s one reason I left nursing. I couldn’t take part in an unethical, ineffective health care system. My heart and conscience couldn’t take it anymore. Treating human lives as commodities. It’s unconscionable.

People online are arguing, devolving into personal attacks, etc, making it about politics, getting sidetracked on other issues that the president stirs the pot with to take the focus off of his errors. Chaos and drama, it’s exhausting.

Then there are the people who totally bypass and retreat into a bubble, minimizing, invalidating other’s feelings and concerns. Skipping over it all giving false reassurance and telling people to stop being afraid because it’s bad for their immune systems, etc. Tone-deaf. Or expressing this is all illusory and temporary, spiritual perspectives that are helpful in hindsight, but not when you’re in the muck of it, it’s too big of a leap. We have to survive in these bodies, even if you say it isn’t real. Let’s be more practical for the moment, lol.

Yes, it’s important to not panic, to stay grounded so you can function, but come on! We’re not robots or sociopaths. Positive affirmations, gratitude, love, light, rainbows, and sunshine are wonderful, but this is some serious shit and we’re human and we’re allowed to feel and process, grieve in our own good time. It’s normal to be having a roller coaster of emotions during a disaster, and we’d do well to honor all of our feelings without pressure to skip to lightness and fluffiness.

People get all riled up, and it’s understandable. I know that this will eventually be something in our past and we’re all doing what we think will help. It’s a lot, though. So I continue to “snooze for 30 days” people on social media, the ones who are waaaaayyyy out there and out of line. Don’t need to have that all up in here.

Meanwhile, people are fighting for their lives in a healthcare system that is barely scraping by and there is already discussion of lifting the social distancing measures at the end of these 15 days. The number of deaths is steadily rising, and the public is donating supplies and making cloth masks for health care workers, which may not provide enough protection risking more contagion and sidelining of precious caregivers.

I feel like we’re in an upside-down and backward world. It’s only been about 3 weeks since the first coronavirus death in the US. It’s been a week since I got temporarily laid off. I feel like I’m home, sick from school, except most everyone else is in the same boat, quarantined. It’s taking some getting used to, but we’re saving lives. I’d rather more people survive now, and we deal with the economic fallout later. I’ll gladly stay in if it means someone else can live!

And if you’re still working away from home, it has to be dodgy. Having to be careful about your physical distance and constantly mindful of handwashing/sanitizing and not touching your face, nerve-wracking. I know the last days I worked were difficult for me because I knew we were all at risk being crowded together at a buffet. How must the health care personnel feel when reusing PPE, using substandard or insufficient PPE or eventually possibly none?

So I did my best to put these concerns out of my mind today for a while because I can’t do much about it except empathize and send my love. I felt my energy returning, feeling better physically, so I finally cooked and made multiple things to last the rest of the week.

I also read a book today I bought a while back at a thrift store, can’t remember when though, maybe years ago? The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran with illustrations. It was heart-achingly, divinely beautiful, a soothing balm for my soul. How can people do that with mere words? Evoking so many layers of simultaneous emotions causing verklemptedness?

God, I hope our country chooses lives over money. It’s so disempowering what’s happening now. I can’t believe what’s happened to our country. It’s been like a progressively bad dream that’s now a nightmare and if this is all a dream, I can’t wait to wake the eff up!

Been mouthing off here, lol. Sending all of my love, even to those I “snoozed.”