The Logical Heart Knows Best

I couldn’t stand staying indoors today, it was so beautiful. After I had my morning cup of coffee while checking the news and social media for updates, I then wobbled on an earlier-than-usual nature walk, hoping to avoid the more crowded afternoon. Since the pandemic restrictions, more people have been outdoors. There were still more people out than usual so I maintained the 6 foot swerve.

I listened to Steve Pavlina’s Stature course while walking, so I’m up to date with the audio portion but need to catch up with the workbook exercises. Because I have all of this time now, I’m re-listening and then doing the exercises. It’s been most excellent, as expected. One of the best investments I’ve made is joining the Conscious Growth Club.

We’re doing quarterly planning now where we break down action steps to accomplish goals and detail what we wish to experience over the next 3 months. It’s helped me maintain my focus and motivation. It’s sped up my progress in unexpected ways. I am so grateful. There are some amazing members who keep me inspired, it’s like I have more family.

I was exhausted the rest of the day, still under the weather, and wobbled, grrr. I think I’m feeling better, then I do stuff and after, ugh, bleh. I really wanted to veg out to Netflix the rest of the day watching OA, but I didn’t, just part of the day, lmao. OA is so good! Loving it!

I read, meditated, and had a long, hot bath, read again, and drank tea. I wondered if I should try to go for another walk or do yoga. Maybe I need more activity? But when I stand I’m so off-kilter like I’m a gyroscope, so I am allowing myself to have lumpy blob time.

I’d planned on doing a post with more substance, but my brain won’t let me, got a headache, geez I’m whiny, lol. I almost cheated again with more Carokashu.

I don’t like to admit it, but my body is aging. I wake up in the morning with a trigger finger which developed since my most recent job, which required constant and often repetitive hand movements. It’s getting better though. I also have a resolving case of contact dermatitis on my hands from the gloves I wore at my job. So I’m thankful for this time off to heal, omg. I want to get healthier and healthier. That’s been my primary goal for these past 5 years. (Turns out the trigger finger and hand rash were from Covid)

It’s been a jagged path with detours, and I keep trudging away. So this quarter, if the pandemic lets up, I commit to doing what it takes to get better. If you’re not healthy, it’s hard to attain your goals, it’s limiting. Now I have a real chance at some bigger improvements. It may get worse before it gets better, but I’d rather know I’ve tried everything.

It’s a big problem for many of us. We sacrifice ourselves and our health suffers. We work long hours at jobs that aren’t really suited for us and take care of our families, especially women who work the most with all the extra labor they do running households, the added expectation of providing emotional labor and caring for extended family too.

I noticed this acutely after having children. Our social structure no longer provides enough support to care for children and elders. The nuclear family has contributed to increased reliance on the mother when it takes many to provide adequate care for children. Traditionally, the fathers do not contribute equally to maintaining the household. It used to be that a mother could stay home, but now it takes both incomes. What’s happened is the mother is working plus doing more than her fair share of the housework and childcare. We often leave the kids with strangers at daycare, which causes strain, worry, and financial burden.

It was interesting watching Marie Kondo. There was an episode where the father was disapproving of the mother because he judged that she, his wife, was not doing enough at home. He worked, and she stayed home with the kids. He was disgusted with her. And she felt bad and was apologetic, believing that she was falling short.

All I could think was, let that father take care of the kids by himself for 2 weeks, and I bet he’ll have a greater appreciation for his wife. It made me hot; I tell you! In another episode, they expected the mother to do everything for her family. They asked her where items were and she did it all and worked too. Her husband even acted like he was one of her kids (which is all too typical) and her kids were old enough to do things for themselves. Yet the mother felt like it was her duty to do everything, whoa!

We, women are taken for granted and taken advantage of and we believe that we’re not enough. What a bunch of BS. We’ve been hoodwinked! I know I’ve spent too much of my life feeling angry and resentful about this. I bet most women have a lot to say about this issue!

In some other countries, they’re experimenting with a type of communal living where families live with elderly people who help take care of the kids. They all work together. It’s a win-win because the elderly people are also supported and are not isolated and abandoned.

I for one, wouldn’t be comfortable with that here in the USA, mainly because I am wary of predators and covert abusers. I wouldn’t be able to trust strangers. That’s why our kids never went to daycare and didn’t go to sleepovers until they were teenagers.

Women and children are treated as possessions by a large segment of society, so until this attitude of entitlement changes, progress will be slow, spinning in place like a gyroscope.

I’m so glad and thankful for my situation right now, except for the pandemic, though I’m getting a break from work for the time being because of it. I’m really being able to look after myself in every way now for the first time in my life! I am in a safe, healthy environment and I’m getting to explore and do things just for me! It’s slowly dawning on me with each passing day that this is my new reality.

My heart remains heavy with what’s happening with the pandemic. Wishing I were magic and could poof it all better.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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