Back in Touch

As I keep myself updated on the effects of this pandemic, I keep questioning, asking what we can do after we get through this to improve our world in a big way. Most people suggest we must all tackle this through our individual actions and how we express our characters. It is each person’s responsibility, so the most power we have is in how we each conduct ourselves.

So by being true to ourselves, by becoming the change we wish to see in the world, we influence others and attract a social circle which creates ripples. So we’re shaping the world through this process, collectively.

Over these recent weeks, I’ve seen that there’s only so much influence we have over those who aren’t in alignment with us. In fact, the more we try to express differing views, the greater the divide. People get increasingly hostile, dig their heels in and go on the attack. So I’ve learned that I can only influence those who are already leaning towards qualities that I embody. I’ve learned it is futile to try to explore with people who are not open to seeing things in any other way except for what they believe to be true. It’s best to focus my energy elsewhere.

This is so unsatisfying though because if only we could work together, there could be more momentum and efficacy, sigh.

So the best thing I can do is work on myself and express myself loudly and clearly to get the ball rolling in the direction that works best for me and others who resonate with me.

I’ve been actively working on this for many years. I have gradually become more aware and have made changes step by messy step until I am free of abuse and am actively creating the life I envision, expressing myself creatively while figuring out how best I can help others do the same. I’m living a life that is loving of me that also considers others and their wellbeing too. I’m taking my power back.

I’m listening to this book called Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. I wish I could’ve read this book 37 years ago, lol. But it wasn’t written yet. Wish I would’ve read it in 2003, but so thankful to be listening to it now. It should be required reading before anyone, especially women, begin dating.

With this information he shares from his experience in counseling abusive men, it clears so many questions up I continued to be uncertain about even with all the other materials I read. I didn’t have a very accurate understanding, largely believing that abusers have little control over what they do.

He explains they continue their abusive behavior so that they keep the benefits of power and control. It is conscious and calculated, they feel entitled and justified to behave that way. I’m over halfway through with the book, and it’s the best breakdown I’ve encountered so far of the insidious nature of partner abuse.

My aim is to help others recognize when they are being abused, to help empower people to take their lives back. I want to help others get back in touch with their true selves, the ones they abandoned to fit into the role of what the world said they should be. To help people who’ve become stuck, trapped, who know that something’s not quite right, they’re languishing, but can’t figure it out.

That was me.

I’m so thankful for how far I’ve come and though I’m not there yet, still figuring out how best to help… I’m the closest I’ve ever been and I’m not gonna stop. There’s always more growing to do.

So I’m hoping that during these extreme times more people are questioning and realizing that maybe there’s room for greater internal growth. To open their minds and search deep in their hearts for the truth of wherever they’re at. And ask if this is right? Are you doing right by you while also doing right by others? Especially in your everyday experience, are you living a nurturing, meaningful life with encouraging, supportive people?

Is this the world you thought you’d be experiencing when you were a child, daydreaming about the future. For example, there was such a big environmental awareness campaign when I was a child and I thought for sure we’d have saved the environment by now, fooled me ?

I feel this constant undercurrent that keeps me wanting more joy, peace, harmony, health, creative expression, abundance, truth, and LOVE for all of us.

Sending love with a heavy heart until we get through this pandemic and ginormous hugs too.