Wondering

I went grocery shopping today. I was slightly anxious because there have been changes, like limiting the number of people in stores and wearing masks in public now. I googled the store to check how busy it was before I left. I’d fashioned my makeshift mask and stuffed it in the top of my purse along with my hand sanitizer and strode determinedly to the car. I sang A Million Dreams on the drive there. It surprised me that traffic was normal, I’d expected fewer people out.

I the designated shopper, parked where we usually do looked in the mirror donned my mask, proceeded to the entrance, but they roped it off. I walked to the opposite entrance. It was sunny and mild with a warm breeze. A worker was sunning himself, stretched out on a bench. As I made my way in, I glanced about to see if others were wearing masks, most people were. The employees weren’t though.

I pulled out my list and made my way methodically to spend the least amount of time. Many of the shelves were bare, some things that were missing before were replenished, and other stuff that was plentiful before was depleted. I got most of what was on my list. I had to substitute a few items so we wouldn’t have to venture out again this week. The store got busier and busier, but there were no lines outside yet.

The atmosphere felt more relaxed than last time. I think the extra practices and more guidelines are putting everyone more at ease. The cashiers are wiping down the conveyors and pin pads between customers. There are signs on the ground to keep distancing at the checkouts.

Seeing the continued depletion of items is a bit concerning. Maybe we can look into grocery delivery? I feel bad for the person delivering the groceries though, like I’m putting them at risk. But I guess buying groceries puts people at risk no matter what.

I keep wondering what’s gonna happen because we cannot go back to normal until there’s a vaccine or until the population builds up enough immunity. There are gonna be so many people looking for jobs. So many businesses changed or gone. Wonder what innovative things we’ll come up with?

I wonder how everyone is faring. Are people getting enough to eat? I worry about the families with an abusive dynamic to be cooped up with that and more vulnerable than ever. I mourn those who are sick and those who’ve succumbed and for their loved ones.

I empathize with all the health care workers because that used to be me. I imagine how it must be for people who are homeless or in third-world countries.

So many people trying to help.

My heart goes out to everyone.

These thoughts trample through rapid-fire and I take a deep breath and slowly exhale. I send out my love and center myself, close my eyes, and sink into peace.

I snap back to and concentrate on the things at the moment I am grateful for. I look out the window at the greening foothills vivid against the backdrop of crystal blue sky punctuated with poofs of white clouds lit with sunshine. I’m thankful we’re doing well, our family is too. We’re so fortunate. I make a cup of tea and savor the first sip, fragrant, soothing, warming me from the inside.

I decide how I want to spend the rest of my day and make certain to keep up somewhat of a routine. I reach out to family; we share our concerns and feel better after. I check in on social media, see how everyone’s doing, we share and support each other. We make sure not to forget to laugh. I’ve seen the funniest things ever, had me guffawing I tell you, OMG!

The baking section of the grocery was wiped out. Everyone must be making goodies? Or they like the comfort of baking. It smells so good and feels so homey. Maybe the kids pitch in and it’s something fun to pass the time.

There were even more people out on my nature walk today, so much so that I cut the walk short, it was becoming difficult to keep a distance. Unsupervised children were not socially distancing either. It was nice to see so many families enjoying themselves together. It was a stunning day, in the 70s!

I finished listening to Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, and I think it would help if every adult read it. Especially those who are questioning if they’re in an abusive relationship or know someone in an abusive relationship. It also helps explain why we’re in our current predicament as a nation and world. It explains clearly what needs to change for everything to get better. It applies to our system at large.

I loved FaceTiming with my daughter, wish we lived nearer. So extremely grateful the kids are okay. We joked about wanting to use this time wisely, but being stressed and somewhat shut down and that it’s okay. These are uncharted waters for us all.

Scored some vegan mac on my grocery run and we had it for supper. I like mine with peas and jalapenos, nom nom nom. Comfort food, yay!

Now I’m gonna go veg out to some TV. So glad we have a TV, a welcome distraction during this time. So thankful and wanting all to be well again for everyone.