Capybara Style

The Logical Heart Knows Best

The weather has been beautiful and I’m so thankful we can still go outdoors for physical activity as long as we keep our distance. I’ve altered my route for my nature walk to avoid others, it’s made it less stressful, not so much swerving. I carry my mask in my pocket in case I get a heckler, but people aren’t wearing masks because it’s not crowded.

It never fails to put things in perspective for me, being outside in awe of all the beauty, the elements, the animals, the grass, mountains, and trees. Another wonderful thing is that people have been writing uplifting things on the sidewalks with chalk. It was also cute to see the hopscotches drawn there as well, brought back memories of barefoot hopping on the sun-kissed pavement.

Today there were deer walking alongside us in the grass near the backyard fences. We were stopping and laughing, excitedly taking photos/videos. What a joyful treat.

Every day I try to think of what I’d like to write about, most days I don’t know what I’ll write. I wait at the computer until I just type. On days like today when I’m tired, I struggle. I toy with the idea of kinda cheating, copying and pasting excerpts from what I’ve previously written in Carokashu but haven’t shared with anyone.

I’ve yet to get back to my daily writing of Carokashu though it’s on my list posted on the wall next to me. I look at the list for my Spring Hamster Routine for Audaciousness multiple times a day, aspirationally. I sometimes sigh loudly, lol because I’m not keeping up with it yet. It’s more like I’m a capybara, not a hamster, lol.

When I write I want to share helpful things, but some days everything I think of sounds like more of the same and so I just write about whatever so I accomplish what I committed to do for every single day this year. It will feel so good knowing that I kept this up for an entire year.

I’ve decided to stop watching TV during the day as of tomorrow so I’ll get more accomplished. I watched part of The Man Who Fell To Earth yesterday and finished it today. I’ve been curious about it for years. It had me feeling nostalgic and cognizant of exactly how long I’ve lived because I can recall vivid sights and sounds from the seventies that were displayed in this film. It made me feel like even more of a capybara with Bowie so sleek and beautiful with his costar, so mod and fab they were. Me roly polying in bed after eating a bowl of spicy lentils and rice, lol. The film was rather pensive and sad. I wasn’t expecting that; I didn’t know what to expect really.

Noticing my age and feeling so like a capybara, I’m determined to notch up my fitness, no excuses, even though I’m still fighting congestion and wobbles. I will commit to at least 30 mins of exercise besides my walks every day for the rest of the year.

Anyone else want to commit too?

I am listening to Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler on my walks. It’s an interesting combination during a pandemic.

The former exalts that we can be happy all the time by letting our emotions flow through, releasing, witnessing, being the observer, and staying in the moment, that we don’t need to suffer if we’re enlightened that way. I laugh when I’m listening to it because that’s just not how we are wired as humans and to stay in that level of detachment is not a functional way to be unless we’re living on a mountaintop away from it all.

To be happy all the time, no matter what? Ummm.

I’m almost finished listening to it. It is a valuable skill to stay unfettered and centered amid chaos and pain, but I don’t believe it’s advisable or even achievable to detach from our emotions that way.

In the latter, it’s a dystopian future that is hitting too close to home right now. It’s rather chilling so far, I’m about halfway in. It’s exploring empathy and how if we could feel another’s pain literally then we would stop being so cruel to each other.

I’ve been reading the news less with each passing day and am limiting social media as well, staying in touch just enough to know what’s up and send love. I’m seeing that I can’t do much to help that way, but if I invest in keeping healthy myself and creating valuable content with the time I have now, I will be in a better place to contribute when we do get through this.

Acceptance is settling in. I can’t help but continue to be flabbergasted and hope I never get so apathetic that I view it as, oh well. If we don’t care, then what will happen? Or if we’re too afraid to speak up, then what? We’ve seen from history what the possibilities may be.

I may need to be more patient with myself and be okay with doing it capybara style, for now. The hamster can wait for a bit, lol.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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