Second Breakfast

I was able to structure my time efficiently for the first time since quarantine today. The obsessive need to check in on the news and social media has subsided even more. I was able to fully immerse myself in more productive, nurturing things.

I even had sparks of inspiration, fun ideas to try out if I’m brave enough. I deliberately paused and checked in with myself before choosing my activities. There’s no need for me to rush.

It was a dazzling, sunny, snow sprinkled day and I couldn’t resist going for a walk. This time I wore a homemade mask, it was colder out so I thought it may be more comfortable to wear. It wasn’t. I cut the walk short because people were not keeping a proper distance because they didn’t want to walk outside of the path into the snow, myself included, lol…and they weren’t wearing masks, whole families. It was difficult breathing with the mask and I’m still congested and wheezing which didn’t help. I’m beginning to wonder if I did have the coronavirus and that’s why I’m still not all the way well.

I’ve been seeing my Louisiana friends posting food on social media and it had me craving southern food so I made a pot of red beans, started with a roux, and added okra at the end, vegan style, so yummy. I ate like a hobbit today, many savory small meals. No sweets yet though except a fruit smoothie. I’ve got a food belly and don’t care.

I splurged over the past weeks buying candy, chips, cookies, and popcorn for the lockdown, like it’s a sleepover or something, lol. We’ve eaten down our goodies supply and I’m not buying more. Enough! Time to go in the opposite direction so my jeans will continue to fit, lol. I’m comforted out.

I’m reading, meditating, doing courses, books that have worksheets and journaling exercises. I’ve made so many life changes and I’ve changed too. It’s time for me to take a deep dive and discover who this new person is and what she really wants. So I’m taking this time to get clarity and see what’s true for me now. I will start this new stage of my life on a solid foundation.

In the next weeks and months, I will enroll in other courses as I uncover my strengths and weaknesses. I will develop my skills accordingly while also continuing to experiment and explore. My aim is to increase my energy and creative flow so I can contribute and engage more fully. I’d like to actually be impactful and helpful to lots of people.

I also got curious today and began down a rabbit hole, but stopped before it consumed too much of the day. I was exploring how the economy works and what were some alternatives to capitalism, then Ted Talks got me, lmao. There’s so much information. I remember when we had to use the card catalog and get books, or look on microfilm, or encyclopedias, omg. How fantastic that we have so much at our fingertips now. It’s truly incredible, I stay amazed and grateful.

Looks like we’re not going back to normal activities for a while. I doubt if I’ll have the same job as before, I don’t see them having a hotel buffet anytime soon. I’ve read about possible scenarios about how we might gradually start back to work, they all involve some measures of distancing and no large crowds, plus extensive testing and if there are further outbreaks, tracking, for suppression, a whack a mole approach. This may go on until 2022. It’s daunting.

I try to stay in the moment and not speculate too much on those things that I can’t control, but I can’t help but try to predict where we’re heading. That’s why I’m reading about things I took for granted or that hurt my brain to try to figure out before, like the economy.

I want to know so maybe I can make a difference with my choices and actions. So I can make informed decisions that align with my values. I don’t want to avert my eyes, stay ignorant because it’s too much effort to search for the truth, and be complicit with our destruction if I can help it.

I want to wield the power that I do have. It may not be much, but it’s mine. I want to be as ethical as possible and to do that I need to have as much knowledge as I’m capable of. I want to see the bigger picture and familiarize myself with as many of the intricacies as I can until it congeals and makes sense. I want my choices to support the highest good for all.

I see many more jaunts down the rabbit hole of Ted Talks and YouTube at playback speed 2 and lots of googling into the abyss. Hopefully, I’ll return with the crystal of truth and the chalice of knowledge. More likely I’ll have blurred vision, a pounding headache, and utter confusion, heh. At least I’ll have tried. I’m bound to be a bit more aware, right?

Anyhow, that’s the plan and I’m gonna attempt to eat in a less hobbity way, no more second breakfasts and elevenses or apocalypse candies. And I’ll keep writing here every day, or maybe a video instead. It feels good to have this habit, to express something concrete into the world every day.

Hope all of y’all are hanging in there.