Breathe Deeply and Love

The Logical Heart Knows Best

I finished listening to Parable of the Sower as I took my walk today. I waited until after the rain stopped, it was sunset. I happened upon adorable bunnies playing a hopping game. Parable of the Sower had me imagining possible dystopian futures, lol. Not too far fetched these days.

The main message of the book was that change is constant and that we have the power to shape change if we work together and help each other. A timely message. There are more books in the series, so I’ll listen to them soon. I love being able to listen to books, to read them online and also to still have physical paper books to read, I feel fantastically rich and spoiled.

I stopped and took photos and video of the bunnies, omg, they had me laughing inside, I had to stay still and quiet so as not to startle them. I love how there are moving photos now, (like in Harry Potter). I love pressing down on my phone and seeing the pictures come to life for a few seconds. I grin every time.

I’m fortunate I have Drue to keep me company when he’s not at work. Others are all alone and it gets lonely for them. That’s when it’s nice to have a furry friend. I guess that’s why the animal shelters are empty now from people adopting them during social distancing. It really helps that we can video chat, but it’s still hard not to be physically around people, even if it’s just to sit at a coffee shop reading a book. It feels good to be near others, to be in that energetic space, the hum of activity and cheer. We’re all missing that freedom to go out and do something just for the fun of it, to have a change of pace, a different location, to explore and adventure.

At least we can explore virtually online. Today I was curious to see if the apartment above us was still for rent. I looked at the complex’s website and saw they had virtual tours of different layouts, so I watched each one. I’m always curious about what the interiors of houses and other apartments look like. When I worked home health it was always fascinating how you could be surprised because the inside doesn’t always match your expectations from the outside impression of the dwelling. Sometimes it’d be like a time capsule, or it would have incongruent updates that didn’t match the architecture, like shag carpet and that dark wood paneling from the ’70s.

I’d FaceTimed with my daughter and she mentioned looking at apartments in Tokyo, so I googled those too. It’s fun to go on virtual adventures! Sometimes I’ll look on Zillow at the local millions of dollar houses and pretend. I find the one I like the best and imagine us as a family running around inside and yelling woot woot excitedly, lol. I visualize myself in the rooms of the house and how it would feel. Sometimes I will google earth street view different places and go down the roads by clicking with the mouse. I’ll sometimes watch videos people have made from their cars driving on scenic routes on YouTube.

I had all of these plans to try and make new friends here by going to meetups and joining Toastmasters, to explore and adventure more. I was going to make the effort. Now I get to chill a little bit longer. I am so thankful that we’re not having financial worries. It makes it so much less stressful in this already anxiety-provoking time.

I’ve been empathizing with all of the parents who suddenly have their kids to educate and entertain 24/7. Those days when the kids were little, I’d constantly be searching for fun things for us to do.

I remember one time when I set up our tent in the living room and we had a camp out inside and watched TV from inside the tent, pillows, and blankets everywhere. I used to give them rides by pulling them around the house on a large patchwork quilt, the groovy kind that had all kinds of color fabric including those polyester ones from the ’70s, a treasure I’d found at a thrift store.

All of the Mardi Gras beads we played with, they’d be all over and all of the made-up games, like hopping on the pillows strewn across the living room to keep off the hot lava floor, then leaping to the couch, then to the overstuffed chair, dressed in a cape, waving a wand.

Thankfully we had a huge back yard. It helps to be able to run around outdoors. Kids are so full of curiosity and energy, they keep you on your toes and you get to be a kid again yourself, full of wonder and joy, playing all the time. Play is so enlivening and enriching for us all.

This staying at home is like being stuck inside on a rainy day, except it’s lasting for weeks. I feel like I need a coloring book, or some paints, or pencils to draw with. Or some craft project. I have a puzzle, but it’s so hard, lol. I’m stuck, it takes forever to fit one piece. I played guitar once, tried to get back to doing Duolingo Japanese where I left off in October, it hurt my brains, will have to start over or do a refresher. I began my typing practice with lots of sighing, lol, it’s tedious at first, but when I get better it’s satisfying. It would be really valuable to be able to type more proficiently, so I’ll keep at it with lots of sighing, lol.

I got my bubble gun out, I plan on blowing bubbles from our balcony at some point. I have started learning the movements from The OA, heh. I have all of these tabs on my computer at the ready for the aspirations of what I’d like to explore, like Yoga with Adriene, Denise Austin workout, Duolingo, typing practice, Conscious Growth, how-to sites, etc and it helps me stay focused because everything’s pulled up and ready for me.

I keep reading the news hoping it’ll say something different, instead, it’s escalating in other alarming ways and I wonder what bizarre timeline we’ve shifted to now and how much more weird and shocking can it get?

It’s like I’m watching a movie, or I’m in a dream, it doesn’t feel like this could be happening, but it is. It’s getting more surreal. Sometimes I just laugh because it’s utterly ridiculous, I’m incredulous. Unreal. Disbelief.

That’s when I mask up, put on my happy bubble hat, insert earbuds, go for a nature walk, take pictures of cute bunnies, stay in the moment and remember all the things I’m grateful for, smile, breathe deeply and love.

Holding all in my heart sending love and hugs!

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

Comments are closed.