Soothing Presence

Dang, I feel almost at my baseline right now, don’t want to jinx it, lol. I gave in again today, loaded up on the cold medicines and stayed horizontal, took two naps, didn’t do anything but reading, a few chores, and watched a couple of educational videos. I hope this feeling better sticks.

The quiet, solitude, and slowness have been healing. I feel enveloped and embraced by a sense of security, wholeness, warmth, and love. I feel encouraged to keep choosing to do whatever helps me, even if it means I’m not as productive as I’d like to be. I’m giving myself permission to treat myself well. To listen when my body is sick and rest instead of constantly pushing myself. I’m so used to scrambling, lol. What a luxury to not be in that scrambling space for a change. It’s taking some getting used to. I can afford to be patient. It’s gradually sinking in.

Like everyone else, I’m concerned about the future, but there are too many unknowns right now, so I focus on what I can do today and this week. I narrow my focus down to what I can directly control. Then I practice gratitude and appreciation to keep me positive. Even though when I’m not feeling well I am not sociable, I reach out and connect with loved ones, and knowing they’re okay helps me feel grateful.

I didn’t feel like watching any entertainment today. I was entranced by the peacefulness of being still and quiet. It’s so soothing. Tender and loving. Just being present doing nothing. Exquisite.

Tomorrow the grocery shopping must be done. I’m setting my alarm for the morning, I haven’t awakened to an alarm since March 15th. Nice. I want to go early before it gets more crowded. Grocery shopping has never felt as stressful as it feels now. So strange. Maybe I’ll get used to it soon. Or I may try the pickup service, just to see?

Sending love to all. I’m still determined to write or create something every day this year. I’m thankful to have this commitment to keep me more grounded and focused during these challenging times. I’m so grateful for so much, it helps sustain and fortify me to keep going.

Michelle Miyagi
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