Pupation

Got my quarterly goals done, rough draft today, handwritten, will type them up tomorrow. My main focus will be health and second will be creativity/self-expression. Nothing to hold me back, well, the pandemic puts a crimp in things, but there are always workarounds.

I had to limit my news reading today. Articles about possible scenarios where so many people will be suffering from hunger are heartbreaking. I feel so powerless when I see so many imbalances in the world. I wish I had billions of dollars and the know-how and power to prevent that from happening. There’s so much, I get overwhelmed and have to retreat from it because me feeling awful about it won’t make any difference, except that I’m aware and can donate to worthy causes and I can send love and feel compassion. Otherwise, I have to let it go, or it will consume me.

Grocery shopping was much better today, less crowded and the shelves were fuller. People weren’t following the arrows, an older couple was behind me and a man began coming down the aisle the wrong way and the couple yelled, ” Sir, wrong way!” I got a bit startled, lol, wasn’t expecting that.

On another aisle, I was trying to reach some soap on a top shelf and a taller woman approached me saying, let’s make a deal, if I could read this deodorant for her (guess the print was too small) she’d reach the soap for me, she wanted to be sure it was both antiperspirant and deodorant. I laughed and read that it was and she reached the soap for me, it was so cute, funny and sweet. So that shopping experience has me relieved. They also installed plexiglass barriers to protect the cashiers, yay!

There were some shoppers not wearing masks and I was puzzled by that. I wondered what their reasons were for not wearing them in a store when it may be difficult to physically distance. It’s mandated statewide to wear masks in public places. The people who don’t wear masks are exposing everyone else, putting others at greater risk. Maybe people don’t believe in science or microbiology and epidemiology?

I ordered some masks made by a local Denver person on Etsy which will be more suitable to wear on nature walks. That will help me feel more comfortable too. I looked into something called Buffs and may try those if the masks aren’t breathable enough.

I continue to feel so thankful that we are all okay. I’m privileged enough to be able to go grocery shopping we have food, we’re paying our bills, our families are doing okay. So far so good. Not so much for so many others and it’s hard. I feel like I did during the hurricanes and flooding when I lived in Louisiana, kind of like survivor’s guilt, where you’re doing okay, but others aren’t. My heart goes out to everyone who’s struggling. I send energetic hugs and love, I guess that mostly helps me feel better, lol.

I’m trying to get myself used to the idea of no travel, staying close to home for the next year or more…a more slowed down, simple life. An introspective, health-promoting, developing new habits, and skill-building time. I’m gonna make an effort to engage more online to socialize that way.

I’m so thankful we have the internet and phones. It’s wonderful that a side effect is that our air and water is cleaner while we’re on pause. I wonder what other changes will become more permanent after this? There’s an underlying expectancy, how will this shape everything, it’s all in flux right now. What will emerge?

That gives me an idea, I can use this time to pupate. We’re all pupating in our own ways.

Michelle Miyagi
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