The Logical Heart Knows Best

I did a thing tonight. I enrolled in health, dental and vision insurance. Colorado had an open enrollment which expires tonight due to the pandemic. At first, I made a mistake and used last year’s income and whoa! That insurance was too high. I reapplied with my projected income for this year and that made it more affordable. If you’re not insured through an employer you pay so much more for insurance. I was trying to hold out and see if we’d have a better health care system depending on who gets elected. Not holding my breath for that, lol. Sheesh.

I’ve been disappointed this week because I’m still not well. This is alarming to me and made me get health insurance. I thought what if I got really sick? I don’t want to leave Drue with medical bill debt in case I croak. So I took the plunge and got insurance. Before I had coverage through my jobs, but when I began working PRN, I didn’t have coverage. I’ve rarely needed to see a doctor in the past 10 years. I kept coverage for our family for check-ups etc. We’ve all been relatively healthy. So thankful for that!

This pandemic has me concerned though and insurance would be wise for me to have just in case. So I did it! I’d looked at it last week, tried doing an estimator and it overwhelmed me, so I didn’t pursue it further. I told myself, oh you’ll be fine without it. But today still feeling under the weather kicked my a** into action. I may need to see a doctor eventually just for a check-up at least. I’m relieved that they had open enrollment for us.

I began reading One Year to a Writing Life while bathing. I meant to do the journaling exercise but got sidetracked with insurance. The beginning of my day was blank due to feeling poorly. This is getting really old, I don’t know what else to do about it though, so I rested. Now I’m telling myself that I’m lucky that I’m doing this well, to make me feel better about it all.

Maybe I’m having post-viral syndrome. The rash on my hands is almost gone and my trigger finger continues to improve. I still have a buzzing in my chest and sinus congestion. My hands, feet, and nose feel freezing too. The fatigue really sucks and my face is swollen. I’m so full of sunshine and cheer, lol.

Guess I’m sidelined for a while longer. I’m very thankful I’m not working right now and feeling yucky makes it easier to tolerate staying in. I don’t feel like doing much. I’m thankful I’ve managed without medical intervention.

So many things to be thankful for, like the Home series, I watched another episode today. It featured a cool place in India called Auroville. I’d love to visit there one day. It’s so inspiring how creative people are and they build what they imagine from their minds into form, bloop. How satisfying that must be. To draw out a whole house, build it, and then live in it, all unique to your artistic specifications.

I’d love to get back into drawing and painting one day. I used to love it. There are so many fun things I want to do one day when I’m not so tired, heh.

These daily blog posts are keeping me puttering along. I ramble on, just to write something. It’s practice, developing a daily habit.

I’m also sitting on the balcony after my bath at sunset for a new habit. I have to don my shades, the sun is fiercely penetrating while the clouds are backlit above the glowing foothills punctuated with acrobatic chattering sparrows. The balcony floorboards solid and warm against the bare soles of my flat duck-like feet. I’m hypnotized by the clouds that are prismatic at their edges, I lift my sunglasses to see with my naked eye, the cloud’s rainbow fringe fades only to return as I lower them back. This is the life…I smile and sigh appreciatively.

I keep telling myself I don’t have to stay sick to have permission to relax, lol. Trying mind tricks, whatever works. We’re all in this liminal space feeling our way through this pandemic. We’re riffing.

Hoping everyone is hanging in there and catching some rays too.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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