Next Time Dirt

The Logical Heart Knows Best

I didn’t get dirt tonight at the grocery store. I’d already been there for a while and was ready to get home. Plus I thought of lugging the dirt up the stairs by myself and it made me tired so I said next time dirt! Instead, I looked at the office supplies for pen refills, there were none, but I found some shiny sequins on clearance.

Black leaves with shiny opalescent dots that you don’t notice until you move them and they catch the light. Red hearts with the same circular sparkles. Bright pink flowers with purples glowing sparkle orbs. Luminous turquoise stars which change to a sheen of periwinkle when you tilt them. Translucent opalescent triangles which appear to light up one after another when you move the package to and fro. And lastly, silver gear-shaped sequins. I feel like I’m rich! They’re so fun, colorful, and festive! I wonder what I will do with them? Lol ? They spark joy as Marie Kondo says ?

I wore my new face mask and it was awesome! So much better than the makeshift ones I made from old shirts. I got it from Etsy https://www.etsy.com/shop/ladybirdsewshernest?ref=nla_listing_details

I tied the strings into loops with a slip knot so it would be more comfortable over my ears instead of tied behind my head and neck. The ties hung under my ears so it looked kinda like earrings lol. It was really breathable so it should be great for when I resume my nature walks on Friday, yay!

I went grocery shopping near closing again and it went well, like last time. There was fresh produce, but they were out of sriracha! They were out of most of the hot sauces, weird. I had to get chili paste instead, but that’s yummy too. It’s random the things that they run out of. The baking section is still decimated. I don’t want to bake anyway, I’m getting healthy shit because I wanna get effing healthy!

I got all of my journaling done while getting sunshine, fresh air, and birdsong on the balcony. I also listened to music through a free trial of YouTube Music. It was absorbing to scroll through and pick out artists I liked, I was expecting the choices to reach an end, but it kept scrolling, maybe it was infinite, there’s so much music. So I stopped choosing after a while and began listening to a mix picked for me. It began with a bouncy tune from a band called Heataly the song was Stomp! ft. Peex (feat.peex) That was so cool to have so much music at my fingertips. How indulgent and glorious! It’s so nice that I can put earbuds in to listen so as not to disturb anyone while on the balcony.

I’m having a successful retreat going on here. I’m getting into a more expanded routine. I still haven’t completed everything on my list in a day yet. I have daily actions I’m to perform in hopes of attaining my quarterly goals. I may have been too ambitious, but better to stretch myself and try. I may need to awaken an hour earlier. I haven’t been setting an alarm thus far, but may have to, meh.

I’m getting to do things I’ve wanted to do for years, but couldn’t quite get myself together enough to manage it. There was too much other stuff on my plate. It’s so exciting to realize that I can finally do these things I’ve been longing to do and can follow through on my good intentions.

Sometimes I get so excited and all of these ideas bounce around zinging in my head and I can’t get to it all fast enough and I catch myself, laugh to myself thinking, whoa woman! Hold on, one thing at a time, and aren’t you getting ahead of yourself? Where’s all that energy gonna come from, lmao. I think I’m a kid and can run around like crazy. I forget that there are only so many hours in a day and there are limits after all. So I regain my sensibilities and focus on today, let’s see what I can get into today.

That’ll do.

I’ve learned to make peace with the fact that I’m always gonna want to do more than I can in a day, a year, or in my lifetime. I can catch myself when I start meandering away from the present, come to and sink into the right now, breathe it all in.

I’ve taken to savoring and marinating in life as I’ve grown older. I don’t want it to be a blur of me getting from point A to B as quickly and efficiently as I can. I’d much rather get my hands dirty, roll around in it all rough and tumble, taking the scenic route and adventurous detours. That way there’s wiggle room for improvisation and surprises that slow down time and make it last longer, where you feel like you’ve lived many lifetimes all within the span of your one life.

This will do. I am soaking it all in and loving what’s becoming. Thankful.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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