Letters From The Balcony

The Logical Heart Knows Best

I’m writing every day in what I call my Thankful for Humans journal. I randomly think of a person from my entire life that I’m thankful for and why. On the surface that sounds like I’d be writing about happy, positive experiences.

It’s not that simple.

I’m thankful for what I’ve learned from humans which encompasses a full range of qualities, not all are fluffiness and light. I’m often surprised by what flows from the pen, things I didn’t consciously know until I wrote about it. I’m loving the process. I’m discovering that I’m thankful for a lot more than I realized.

With distance, I can look back and see how every experience has helped me learn and grow. For the painful times, I’d rather they didn’t happen, but I can find the hidden value in what I learned and how I grew through it all. It increased my compassion and capacity for forgiveness.

It’s so much fun writing down my sleeping dreams every day in my dream journal. I include the feelings the dream evoked as well. It’s like my subconscious expresses itself in my dreams and I may get clues on what my blind spots may be, and things I may be avoiding or denying that I need to correct in my life. And sometimes dreams are just fun! I get to fly, be different people, adventure with all kinds of people, creatures and visit strange, beautiful places.

In my stream of consciousness journal I write whatever comes to mind and then the underlying things that may be bothering me creep in, so I stay aware of the truth of what I’m really thinking and feeling. If I’m journaling I can’t keep it under wraps, all the petty stuff can spew out, lol. I can see clearly what I’m thinking and feeling, it’s there in writing. Now I can address it and decide how to manage. I can choose to let it go, or make changes to correct whatever’s an issue. It keeps me honest and aligned. I can’t fake it anymore without knowing I’m lying because it’s there in ink staring at me.

I’m doing all of this journaling to get clarity on who I am now and what I need to work on and what do I really want. It’s also therapeutic. My number one goal is to get as healthy as possible and quickly. Journaling has helped me do this in the past, so I know it’s effective.

It’s so amazing to be able to journal outside in the comfort of our balcony. Tonight I soaked up some rays at sunset, the warmth seeping into my bones as I smiled at the happy swallows soaring across the cloud dotted sky. I drank a cup of decaf coffee, I wanted the hot earthy richness warming my insides, so I was engulfed in warmth and light. I had to stop and take it all in with deep appreciative inhales in between writing sentences, it was too stunning, I couldn’t look away for long.

I glanced over at the big lavender bag of dirt. No time left today to plant the moonflower seeds, tomorrow my pretties, yes. More research to do on what will grow on the balcony in this climate, yay! I love researching stuff! I’ll also have fun looking for ideas on how to make the balcony more inviting and private, my writer’s oasis! I could even do some yoga or stretching out there too, nice ?

I saved my walk till twilight, I was tired today, did too much yesterday. I felt like staying in bed and taking a nap but resisted. Grrr…I so want to be well and it lingers still, but I’m so glad I’m better and getting back into action. I love the evening time when the sky is barely lit and you have to strain your eyes a little to see the path. Everything has an eerie glow, backlit. I imagine all the nocturnal creatures venturing out and grin. I feel brave, lol. I didn’t see any creatures but birds and bunnies though ? so scary, ha!

I checked the mail and my Ancestry DNA kit arrived. I will spit and send tomorrow, so exciting! I’ve been wanting to do this for so long! I have to wait for 6-8 weeks though. Something to look forward to.

I still have some writing left to do tonight for the CGC May challenge, Close Open Loops (AKA: Get Shit Done) lol. So here I go, getting it done.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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