Twinges of Home

Have you ever experienced a work of art, like a movie, a book, a song, a poem, a painting, a performance or even something so beautiful in nature that reaches deep inside you, tugging at your heart in a way that makes you homesick (home as in our eternal home)? It touches you in a forgotten place evoking a longing that you didn’t realize you had. It’s reminiscent of an embrace of unconditional love, understanding, and acceptance. You get all verklempt, moved with emotion, a bittersweet joy witnessing such exquisite beauty.

I watched the movie Little Women today and it was so seamless, flowing, and ethereally beautiful. It made me homesick that way. I also feel that way when I meditate or think of the children and when I’m outside on my nature walks. My heart swells and leaks out of my eyes, lol.

It also happens when I see others get choked with emotion, I get choked up too. It was hard to keep the tears in check when I was a nurse, but I managed somehow. I’d do meditations and visualizations before work, on my way to work, and when I got to work as well. I recall I’d visualize light pouring through me and I’d take deep breaths, close my eyes and imagine a large set of wings emerging from my shoulder blades, lol. I wanted to remember to keep peaceful, centered, nonreactive, and loving, to try and be like an angel, lol. I’d imagine the wings from Howl (Howl’s Moving Castle) sometimes and giggle. It helped me be in a better vibe to start my shift. I wanted my energy to be a positive, calming influence so we’d have a smoother time of it. Our clients were often volatile.

It’s a relief I’m not having to deal with volatile people anymore. I like helping people, but it was time for me to have a break from that. A lifetime of volatile people was enough. I’m enjoying this peace I have right now. I want to help others where I’m also being kind to myself too.

I’m working on a social learning group to experiment and see if it will help people with their levels of peace. I’ve seen that so many have difficulties coping and get confused about what’s healthy and loving of themselves and others. There can be lots of drama. If more people were more nonreactive, had good boundaries, knew themselves and what’s true for them, there would be less drama. More peace.

But maybe this wouldn’t help? I don’t know, so I’m gonna try and see. In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out what I can do to help and serve the greater good. I blog because I think it helps just by sharing. The more we share, the more we know we’re not alone. We all have struggles and we all want more love, joy, beauty, and peace in our lives, most of us do. The more transparent and honest we are, the more beneficial flow…good things start happening when we’re vulnerable and true.

The day got away from me, I always want to get so much done, it’s like I take the time to vacuum and such, then I’m behind on other things, and I am tired tonight ? Oh well, it’s okay to have less productive days.

In my meditations, I’m trying to view myself as pure consciousness and more identified with spirit and less with the body. I think of how a master Jedi like Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi, or Luke Skywalker could just leave their body when it was time and the body disappeared, as a conceptual aid. It helps me release, surrender, and realize that all of this is temporary and the truth is we’re just focused energy. It gives me a deeper layer of peace and expansiveness, non-attachment. It’s easier to love and be loved when you have less fear and concern over temporary things.

I’m shifting my focus to the things that are most impactful and lasting which are mostly intangible, like creativity, sharing, enjoying, and appreciating life while being peaceful, loving, trying to do my best to flow the highest love in every way without sacrificing myself. Because being a martyr isn’t really loving.

Gonna scurry off and get the rest of my other writing done.

Michelle Miyagi
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