Signs of Love

Two of the things about being human that I struggle with the most is having to cooperate with my physical limitations and being patient, lol ? I have plans and know what I want, but this body is not an obedient robot, it does what it wants some days and I have to go along with it, like today.

My hand rash re-erupted again last night and I had fatigue, headache, and chest congestion again like a whirring in my lungs along with paleness and shortness of breath. I think it’s lingering post-viral inflammation that flares up when I’m too active. I went for the morning walk but had to opt-out of the evening one. I also had a nap. I didn’t want to, I wanted to have another highly productive day like yesterday, meh. I’m impatient and want to power through because there’s so much I enjoy and want to do, I’ve got plans man! But instead, I flopped around like a rag doll in protest, sulking under the covers cuz I was freezing too.

After I had the nap and a hot bath I felt better and began fiddling around with this site, making a few changes. Then it was blogging time. And all I could think was, “Where did the day go?” I made some celery juice too and slammed a glass, the first time I’ve tried it. I’m hoping it helps my immune system. I also have a blend of wheatgrass and mandarin in the fridge door at the ready and got some probiotics the other day, need to remember to take them, lol. I’m so happy I got this Ninja Master Prep blender, it’s so easy to use. Next will be lemon and lime blend.

I have to tell myself, “It’s okay to have days off, you have time, tomorrow will be better!” And thankfully the next day usually is better. I did get some reading in and watched an episode of Anne with an E. I keep googling about my symptoms, but there’s nothing that matches, so it will be a mystery for now. Maybe it’s coronavirus weirdness. Time for me to find a doctor and make a checkup appointment, it should be safer to try now, maybe?

I get frustrated and stew for a little trying to decide what’s the smart, logical course of action, even though my inner 2-year-old is stomping her feet in protest, “But I don’t wanna take it easy!” And, “I want results now!” And I don’t want to ever feel bad, sad, grouchy or tired. I want to feel good all the time and I want everything in the world to be happy, lol. I want to have magical powers ?

Today is my uncle Michi’s birthday, he’s only been gone a few months, I wish we didn’t have to die ? I’ve been seeing a hummingbird at our complex this week and before Uncle Michi died I’d seen a hummingbird in his yard and took photos with my phone and showed him. He said it was his mom, (Grandma Miyagi) coming to see him, it was a sign of her love and now when I see the hummingbird it feels like it’s Uncle Michi sending me a loving sign ? I’m thankful for my spiritual outlook, it’s comforting in times like these, to believe that our energy lives on and we meet again, or we’ve never really left one another, to begin with, we’re always together in the realm of timelessness and infinite love.

It also helps me on days like today when my body is being a butt. I know that my spirit is what matters most and I focus on what I’m doing with my mind. My spiritual views especially help me cope during all of this upheaval in the world with the violence, hate, and the pandemic. It’s a lot to process and keep forgiving. It’s challenging to figure out how best we can help in our own unique ways, which makes the most sense for each of us to contribute to creating a better world.

I decided not to go out and protest because my health isn’t stellar right now. I’m educating myself and I’m donating. I try to help through what I blog here as well. I don’t know what else to do. There are objective facts. I believe in science and statistics too. There is objective proof of racism and police profiling and violence. The virus is real and masks help prevent transmission, it’s not politics. I adhere to the advice given by the experts. I know that I don’t know it all and do my research to come to a well rounded informed conclusion to the best of my abilities. I try to behave responsibly and think logically. I ask what would love and compassion do?

I do my best to cooperate with the world, just as I do with my body, and I’m getting lots of practice in having patience with myself as well as the world. To me, the highest practice of all is that of forgiveness. It’s the only thing that will help us heal in the long run because we’re not obedient robots and have our struggles and limitations. I wish I were magic though and could poof us all to happy living forever in love town.