Must Write

The Logical Heart Knows Best

I’m wedged and propped up here on the futon, warm and snug under the covers. It’s almost dark and the harsh white security lighting shining through the open blinds is casting shadowy stripes on the walls. The clouds and sky are shifting hues, I want to go on the balcony, but I’m too comfy to move. The glow from my computer punctuates the darkness, there’s a little gnat floating by, it looms ominously a dark silhouette contrasting with the incandescence of the screen. I look outside again and the sky is that luminous yellow-tinged blue, smooth and soothing cover of nightfall.

I wait for something to come to me to write about. I look at my hands perched on the keypad, it feels like I’m watching a first-person video game or a scene in a movie. What happens next, is there a zombie that jumps out, or does she finish writing her novel and lives happily ever after? Lol.

I take a big inhale and smile, it’s so quiet, I feel cradled, safe, and warm, relaxed, calm, content. It’s the best I’ve felt all day, soothed and grateful. Ah the a/c just kicked on the chilled air brisk against my nostrils and skin, I take faster intakes of breath savoring the cool air. I adjust my bra that’s riding up uncomfortably against my ribs, what to write about. My hair’s still damp from my bath, I love letting my hair air dry, I pretend I’ve just returned from swimming in the ocean like I’m on vacation, or I’ve just been swimming in the pool. Silly, but fun. The cool dampness of my hair wakes me up, refreshes me, and energizes me. I love how my hair dries quickly when I go outside here, it’s so dry, it’s still fascinating to me. Louisiana was a sauna and here it’s desert-like. Even when the temperatures are high here, it doesn’t feel that hot to me. Nice.

I’m enjoying my own company, savoring the here and now. Doing what feels good at the moment, listening to my intuition and my body. The thoughts of what I should be doing pop in and I feel anxious twinges, but quickly shake them off because I’m doing right by me today. I think of all of the people I’m close to and love wishing we could see each other, reminiscing about all of the beautiful memories we’ve made together, I send them love. I’m thankful and look forward to the time when we can create more wonderful memories together.

But for now, I settle in and allow peace to wash over me, I feel anchored in love and connected to everything, a sensation of a pulling warmth from the pit of my stomach, rising up through my chest, releasing as a smiling tenderness from my face, a quiet rapture. Immense gratitude and a deep sense of belonging fill me. Everything’s okay at this moment, no resistance, no complaints, just love and belonging. Just being.

Thirsty, ah peppermint tea, yes! Thankful for Celestial Seasonings. I want to tour their facility near here in Boulder whenever we can do stuff again.


I also want to ride the train in the mountains near here The Georgetown Loop and there are others too. Something to look forward to. Yay!


I sit here and stare, my mind blanks, must write, lol. Sometimes in my thoughts, I imagine I’m Frankenstein, Tonto, and Tarzan from the SNL skits, Arrrh, because my brain feels stuck. My favorite is Frankenstein of course. Arrrgh, Fire bad! Arrh.

Then I think of Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze trying out to be Chippendales, omg, now I’ve gotta watch it. I love it every time I watch it, I’m dancing along with Chris Farley, my hips can’t help but wiggle along, he gets so into it, and Patrick Swayze too, it’s so perfect, it never gets old. It’s so great we can pull up obscure things on the internet like magic!

Must write…I’m getting hungry again. Sometimes I get annoyed that we have to eat, pee and poop, it takes so much time, but I do love to eat. Even then that’s a mixed bag because I want to stay fit and healthy, but that depends on how much and what I eat. It’s a constant consideration and because we’re so fortunate to have an abundance of choices it’s easy to eat too many calories and junk. I’ve managed to strike a balance for the most part where I’m not too militant or too overindulgent, it hasn’t always been that way though, it’s taken a lot of determination and effort to get to this healthier mindset with food.

I’ve been trying to eat fewer calories because I’ve curtailed my activity to prevent post-viral flare-ups. I’ll have to be okay with not reaching my fitness goals, for the time being, it’s just not realistic. Something else to look forward to…being able to work out and go on long hikes. Tonight I will have salad, nom nom nom.

I was supposed to work on quarterly goals today, but my body said nope, took a restorative nap, and had a long hot bath with a book and tea instead. Tomorrow, there’s still time.

Love and hugs

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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