Knuckleheads Begone

It’s so wonderful that I have minimal interaction with knuckleheads these days, it’s confined to social media, lmao. I am relishing this peaceful time in my life. I’m extra thankful for how everything is working out for our family in paradoxical ways. There have been so many beneficial changes for us during this heartbreaking span of upheaval in our world. Today I’m celebrating the wins and stowing away the heartbreak. The despair and disappointment over the hateful ignorance of so many will hibernate while I nourish myself with what strengthens me. I will let it go until I can’t anymore. How can anyone with an ounce of compassion not be heartbroken? Yet to stay afloat, we have to ebb and flow, coasting the waves of the heart.

I began the day with a guitar lesson! A generous CGC member taught us for free! I now have a new technique to practice and improve my skills. Then I Skyped with the kids! They are doing wonderfully, are so amazing and I’m so proud of them. I miss them so much and am so grateful they are happy, safe, and well.

I had only a two-hour window in which to eat today and had a huge salad and a bowl of fruit, I’m a bit hungry tonight compared to the past few days. I’ve been drinking hot tea, it helps. After feeding we did something fun!

I had a house I was curious about saved in Zillow, so we went on a scenic drive to see how close we could get to it. Not very as it turned out, there was a closed electronic gate blocking the road where the house was located in the mountains, some 10 mins away from it. We turned back and drove into the mountains a while, wow!!! It was stunning! And I wasn’t as scared, yay! I had tabs of articles saved of mountain driving tips which I’d just reviewed this past week, it must’ve helped. There were sections that were winding, narrow, and shelvy, but I didn’t get panicky. More progress.

On the way back we drove in the fancy neighborhoods in the Deer Creek Canyon area and were wowed again. It was like a dream, a fairy tale fantasy setting. We kept sarcastically saying, “I could settle for this and slum it, I’ll sacrifice,” lol. I DO want to live there, it was incredible. I kept saying, “Aspirations.” I let my curiosity lead the way and we eagerly feasted our eyes as I slinked the car along, I was immersed in fantasies of frolicking in the perfectly manicured landscape. I said, “How would it be to grow up here?” I wished that I could’ve raised the kids there, that would have been something, a magical fairy tale environment for childhood. I wanted to explore every street, but my bladder protested, I couldn’t hold it any longer, we were home in a few minutes. All of that magnificence is practically right next door to us, wild!

I looked up the houses for sale on Zillow and we recognized some of the homes we’d driven by. It was fun to be able to see what the interiors were like too. We changed back into our pandemic uniforms and lounged on the ridiculously comfortable futon. I checked my email and realized I’d forgotten about a coaching call that was in progress and decided to attend though it was halfway over. It was lovely as per usual.

I had a wonderful day and didn’t want to think about troubling things, but some thoughts did intrude. When they did I consciously acknowledged them, said, yeah, I hear ya, but be gone, you’re not helping me, so bye. It worked. I let myself relax and enjoy today, no pressure, just flow.

Though there are uncaring, callous, self-centered, immovable people who behave in unspeakable ways, there is still so much enduring love and unshakeable beauty. I have agency over what I choose to experience from within myself. I can define my own self, my own identity, and my own existence. If I don’t, then I fall prey to all of the nefarious attributes in this world that I don’t want, that wish me no good. I’m the one who decides my value and I claim it today. I am just as deserving as anyone else. I won’t be swallowed in the chaos of hate and I won’t take the bait. I will ride the tsunami of my heart high above it all.

Saying no to all the knuckleheads of the universe, this tsunami’s all mine, so watch out!