Do No Harm

Trigger Warning

In my opinion, our society is obsessed with sex. People equate it as something they need to have in abundant supply or else they won’t survive. As far as I know, no one has ever died from a lack of sex. Yet some protest that they’re entitled to sex and have even murdered people because they felt the people they wanted sex from were denying what they had a right to receive. Take Elliot Rodger (The Isla Vista Killings) for example.

Sex is a natural urge, but we as humans have control over our urges and we can always masturbate. It’s not like water or food where if you go without for too long, you will starve and die. Why do people lose their minds over it then? They believe that because they’re attracted to someone that they’re entitled to take what they want and deserve attention from others they’re sexually interested in. They often violate boundaries, coerce, and overpower, treating others as objects and possessions to use, as Jeffrey Epstein did.

Just because your sexual attraction is activated doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything. Everyone has personal agency over their bodies and what they do with them. No one else has a right to take from others without their consent. And to set the record straight, there’s a reason for there being a set age for consent. Some people rationalize that in tribal, anthropological history children had sex with adults and it’s plausible that it’s not as harmful as our society thinks, and I say we are not back in cave dweller times, we are civilized people who have gained a lot of knowledge about human developmental stages and what is traumatic and harmful.

The evidence is in; I have witnessed it as a psychiatric nurse in my personal experience, and it is irrefutable. It is heartbreaking what I’ve witnessed, the intractable damage done to so many. Working in the adolescent unit was the most tragic of all. People preying on others, especially children, sexually, emotionally, and physically abusing them, causes lasting harm. You can try to spin it any way you want. There is no good reason for an adult to be sexual with an underage person period.

Some say well, you can’t help what your sexual preference is as in pedophilia. True, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to prey on others who are not capable of consenting. Some people are attracted to animals and dead people. Do we condone their behaviors? People can’t help what they’re sexually attracted to, but they can control themselves and be responsible for their actions.

We must protect our children and ourselves.

No one is entitled to sex. Sex is a privilege. And without consent, it is abuse and criminal.

We live in a society that preys on women, children, and anyone else who is not of the dominant hetero-normative race, gender, and class. No one is entitled to anything except what is consented to as equal adults and given willingly, without threat, manipulation, or coercion.

I don’t have to smile, defer, and give emotional or sexual comfort because it’s expected of me. I will behave as I see fit. And I am entitled to expect the same nurturing and consideration as you feel you’re entitled to as equals. Yet when I ask for it, I’m viewed as being out of step, that I’m to always be the giver because that’s the role society has assigned to me and I am stepping out of line if I ask and expect to receive in exact measure. Society expects women and children to comply with the dominant males who deem them as their possessions.

I’m all for healthy sexuality where there are mutual consideration and respect and abundant communication and consent. But sexuality is only a small portion of what it is to be human. Overall, people are too consumed by it when they would do better investing more energy in their own personal development and contribution to the greater good.

Some people equate sex to general affection, like a hug, like it’s just a casual thing that we make too big of a deal over. Ummm. No. Sex is complex in physical-biological ways and is intertwined in complicated social layers. Sex bonds you with others and chemically can be like a drug in its effects. It is not simple affection, like an embrace, a pat on the back, a cuddle, or a kiss. And there are varying power dynamics at play as well, so you can’t trick me into believing sex is just a casual, inconsequential activity. Plus, sex is risky behavior with STI/STD’s and pregnancy. Can you imagine these people who want to legalize having sex with children? How will they navigate sexual history with kids and testing for sexually transmitted diseases with kids? What about birth control for kids? It’s ludicrous. How can people entertain this line of thinking? It’s ignorant, harmful, and irresponsible. It’s unbelievable that people think this is okay and desirable? Children having sexual experiences with adults can interfere with their whole psyche, identity, physiology, and neurobiology, causing trauma and lifelong damage.

There are people who say they’ve had positive experiences as children having sex with adults. If so, they got lucky or they might have been harmfully affected and are in denial about it.

Yes, sex can be positive and is pleasant, but it needs to be respected and treated with care and responsibility. There is a soul behind that body you are attracted to. There is a tender, vulnerable human being who deserves respect, reverence, and love. Why risk harming someone?

We can have compassion for people who struggle with their inner cravings and impulses. They are humans and deserve love too, but there are boundaries we must maintain in order to be loving, to protect all of us. Those struggling others who have deviant sexual preferences need to be responsible and control themselves, get help if needed and do no harm. Do no harm. There is no room for argument in the statement, do no harm. Sex without consent is harmful and criminal. Children can not give consent. Chemically impaired people can not give consent. Unconscious people can not consent. Sex under force, coercion, lying, or manipulation is sex without consent. If you have power over the person, as adults have power over children, then any sexual interaction is intrinsically nonconsensual, coercive, and abusive because of the imbalance of power.

Anyone who has spent time with children or who is a parent should be able to understand why children are off-limits as sexual partners. It’s quite clear they are not developmentally ready to navigate sex. I think it is insane when people try to argue otherwise. Call me close-minded, but I’ve seen the tragedies and wrecked lives because of people who take what they want from others, just because they can.

People who argue for being more open-minded about sex with minors are actively promoting harmful and criminal behavior. We can have compassion for harmful others and help them get treatment in hopes they will not harm, but to say that some childhood sexual experiences with adults can be beneficial and positive goes against what we know through objective socio-scientific data. This plea for open-mindedness is irresponsible and a slap in the face to those who have suffered at the hands of sexual predators.

People can have all the sexual fantasies and attractions in their minds as they want as long as they don’t act on them with unconsenting others. The minute you become a creeper on some unsuspecting, nonconsenting person, that’s crossing the line. And you are doing harm. Spin it any way you want, you’re still doing harm.

I don’t know why this is even something that we have to keep addressing? But we have to be steadfast and keep standing up for what’s ethical and loving. There’s already too much heartbreak. How is this even still an issue?