Reconfiguration

I just read something disturbing in a forum and I guess that’s why I don’t participate in forums very much because they are minefields and they take you down rabbit holes that suck your lifeforce and squander your time, lol. I much prefer interaction in person, or on video.

I’ve been struggling with boundaries around participating in and socializing with people in this forum who have in the last few days proven themselves to be people I’d rather not associate with. It’s only a few of them that I couldn’t stomach, but I get along well with others there as far as I know, lol. I guess you can’t really know people totally in that situation. I surely wasn’t expecting this ickiness to arise from people I thought highly of and trusted.

Now I’m totally creeped out. So I’m trying to decide where my boundaries lie. Icky surprise, you know the kind that blindsides you? And you’re so conflicted and disappointed. Disillusionment, I guess. I don’t feel like I’m aligned with that space anymore. It may be because I’m in an older demographic and I diverge in my ideologies preferring progressiveness and critical thinking based on research and facts. I also strive to be mindful of ethical responsibility to prevent harm and do no harm. I’ve had more life experience so lots of what is discussed I’ve moved beyond. I’m really grossed out at the moment. This week has been a lot of emotional processing surrounding it.

I’m questioning how best to invest my energy and time. Maybe it’s best for me to focus more on building my skills while creating content and dial back on the participation and socializing. Yeah, that’s the plan.

I had a great coaching session the other day from someone who is doing free sessions for practice so they get really good at it before they start charging. I was glad I did it. I know there are others who offer a free coaching session, to begin with, maybe I’ll take advantage of those offers too.

My red flag alarms are blaring loudly and now I’m having to reconfigure my plans. There’s always something to stretch us and pull us into becoming a stronger character where we have to do what our logical heart calls us to.

I began watching the Jeffrey Epstein documentary on Netflix because it pertains to what was in the forum. I want to know more about how such things are still happening and why. That’s why I previously watched the Michael Jackson sexual abuse documentary too.

Now I’m curious about why people don’t research more before they spout off their opinions recklessly without regard to how their public expressions can have damaging effects while hiding under the cover of freedom of thought and speech. Actually the videos they posted were taken down, thankfully, but could still be found on alternative sites. I wonder if those could be removed as well?

This year has been an eye opener and heart breaker for sure. Why 2020, why? ?

I’m wanting to win the lottery and go hide, lmao. Stick my fingers in my ears and sing la la la la la so I can pretend everything is okay, omg.

I’m happy to have my nice snuggly apartment and cheery balcony to hunker down in while I reconfigure my boundaries and listen to my logical heart.

Michelle Miyagi
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