Silent Approval

Trigger Warning

I read a comment the other day that people give too much attention to children because they’re cute. They said there are all kinds of organizations to help children, but what about adults, like the homeless, etc. I had to laugh. Children can’t fend for themselves like adults, that’s why, lol and in my view, we don’t do enough for our children from the infrastructure of society on up. A majority of people are raising their children and have no idea of how to parent except by their own parent’s example. They just repeat what was done to them. There is no effort to educate themselves on what’s healthy and beneficial for their kids based on stages of development, behaviors, and neurobiology. Most parents are just winging it and make no effort to learn better, especially the men.

So trauma and neglect are passed down through the generations. There is not enough support for families like universal childcare and there is no longer an extended family to help out, plus both parents have to work with the brunt of childcare/household management left to the mother. There is still an imbalance in the division of labor in the home where the mother is doing the majority while also working full-time. It sets up a strained, stressful situation that is not conducive to the healthiest environment or energy leftover to effectively parent.

In my discussions with people, most have no idea how children are as far as what they are capable of developmentally according to their age. They think of children as mini-adults who have the ability to navigate and consent just as adults do. I hear people say, “Oh, they know better. They know what they’re doing,” when it’s apparent that they are too young to have that capacity to know everything that’s going on as an adult would. They are unable to discern and have poor impulse control. They can not critically think yet. They can not fend for themselves. They are still growing and developing in their awareness, social skills and their brains are still developing as well. They do not have full agency over themselves and need an adult’s guidance and supervision and caregiving. They are dependent and deserve to be nurtured appropriately in order to develop properly to avoid detrimental lasting, life long negative effects. Healthy childhood development is critical and impacts the trajectory of their future adult lives.

We have scientific, sociological, psychological studies, and data that help inform best practices. It is based on objective facts, not traditions and opinions. So why don’t we adults take advantage of this knowledge so we can raise a healthier society?

Why do we believe what we think in our minds, or what our egocentric personal experience was is the same for everyone else and is universally applicable or we follow hearsay or traditions, instead of seeking what’s healthiest based on objective facts?

I had the misfortune of reading some harmful, unconscious opinions this week and couldn’t believe that people were going along with it and not refuting it. We have brains in our heads and the ability to research and seek reliable knowledge, yet we don’t. I don’t understand how people can be so blind and easily manipulated or swayed to believe harmful things that don’t have facts to back them up. Like conspiracy theories.

It’s so bizarre that what I believe to be intelligent people who pose as caring people can be easily brainwashed and manipulated into promoting harm. What’s even worse is when others who don’t believe in the harmful ideas and know better stay quiet, don’t take a stand and the brainwashed person gets to keep promoting harmful ideas. We let it happen.

Then our kids suffer because of it, I’m talking about the pedophile sympathizers. It’s one thing to support compassion and help for the treatment of pedophilia, but it’s another to purport that adults having sex with children does no harm and is beneficial. It’s not just a cultural framing, sex with children is inherently traumatic. Some people try to frame it as it’s just our cultural taboos that make us think sex with children is harmful.

There are people who are not pedophiles, but for whatever reasons are advocating acceptance of that behavior. They say that it’s healthy for children to have sex, advocating parents to have sex with their kids throughout their whole childhoods and our society is too guarded around sexuality, that because we don’t literally teach, invite and introduce kids to sex from a young age ie have sex with them, that it leads to being more prone to predation.

I was stunned. They said that young kids could say no to sex if they didn’t want it. I couldn’t wrap my brain around their flawed arguments and how they could believe they were beneficial? They were so enthusiastic about it and thought it opened up a whole new world. And hardly anyone else took a stand against it. Barely anyone cared that there was a pedophilia promoter in our midst.

That’s why I’ve been knocked off course this week.

I’m stunned that people don’t speak against that when they encounter it. I spoke up, but I was in the minority. People do not care about our children. They argue that children can consent and should have agency over their sexuality. But children can’t consent until they get to a certain age and level of maturity. I believe protecting children from harm is of the highest priority. I believe that our society should invest the most resources into whatever will help us raise the healthiest children holistically so the future generations will reap the benefits of healthier adults. With each generation, we would repair and heal by preventing trauma and neglect.

But how can we do that if people don’t care and sit idly by while someone is promoting pedophilia right in their faces? And another person is saying children are getting too much attention and what about us adults? I felt like I was in crazy town when I read some of the responses.

How can we change the world and create positive ripples if we don’t even speak up when we can if we don’t take a stand and we don’t even bother to do research and get our facts straight? We act like we know it all while there are children suffering because we have our heads up our asses letting it happen. The least we can do is try to prevent harm and do no harm. But here I am this week encountering someone who is posing as a conscious caring person while promoting child abuse and others do not protest, offering silent approval.

I was so thankful when a few others chimed in supporting what I had to say against the sexual abuse of children. The rest sat complicitly observing. I wonder if some things are just too traumatic for others to engage with. They don’t want to face the pain and the monstrosity of it. Instead, they avoid it altogether. Maybe that’s why people don’t educate themselves, because it triggers their own unaddressed, unhealed traumas lurking beneath the surface. So they live in denial and avoidance and blindness, unconsciously repeating what was done to them, and we never break free. The cycle continues and we all suffer for it.

I’m ready for the people who want to dig deeper and do the difficult work of healing from the past and creating a better future with eyes wide open, taking a stand for what’s right. Our children and we ourselves deserve it.

Who’s with me? A good place to start is to examine truthfully how you were raised and how it impacted you and educate yourself about healthy childhood development and healthy parenting, boundaries, and relationships. We need to educate ourselves about abuse, manipulation tactics, and coercive power and control too. Discover what that looks like and then look back and evaluate where things could’ve gone better for you. Face those traumas, admit that there is room for improvement, and do what it takes to heal while also making changes that help you be a more effective member of the world. Educate yourself about trauma and how to heal. Trauma is a universal experience and we all can benefit from learning about it and what we can do to heal. If we can prevent trauma as much as possible, we can create a more healthy, functional reality.

Part of preventing trauma is being aware and to take a stand against abuse by educating ourselves about abuse so we can prevent it and stop being abusers ourselves. We can always be mindful of what our actions are contributing to in the world. We can ask ourselves, will this really objectively be helpful, or is what I am being, speaking, and doing adding to the harm and trauma?

Michelle Miyagi
%d bloggers like this: