The Logical Heart Knows Best

We lounged around alllll day, it was so relaxing. Then we went grocery shopping later than usual, it was so much nicer now that the store is open longer hours. Very few people, so it’s easier to keep your distance. When it’s busier people don’t care anymore and it’s a free for all. No one follows the arrows and they don’t keep their distance.

It’s so strange that some people still believe it’s a hoax or that it’s not as serious as they portray in the media. I can’t wrap my head around all of the erroneous views people have, there’s no objective truth according to them. It can be anything they decide it is and they build their lives upon those figments, living in their own separate realities where objective reality is concealed. It’s difficult to communicate with them, sadly, it’s almost useless to even try. It’s chilling and unnerving once you get past the frustration you’re left with stunned resignation.

Then all I wanna do is head for the hills where their twisted, divisive versions of the world can’t meet my peaceful and loving one. I want to help the world get better, but how do you work with and get across to people that don’t live in the same reality as you? It’s bizarre.

So I’m content to be sequestered here in my comfy apartment and cheery balcony. These next weeks are going to be a leisurely exploration of creative pleasures, the kind I used to enjoy as a kid. I want to play, experiment, and get so absorbed in everything, in that flow where time passes quickly because you’re so intensely focused on something fun.

The MdDS is improving and I begin PT tomorrow. I’ve never had PT before, it’ll be interesting. I see an allergist the day after for these post-viral relapsing symptoms of congestion in my sinuses and lungs with headaches and fatigue. I have not resumed my walks. I keep relapsing even if I increase my activity slightly, like an extra errand or even doing super short, gentle workouts. I rested in bed a lot this past week and the symptom flare-up has mostly subsided so I’m thankful. I first got sick February 25th and have not ever returned to my baseline level of health yet, I keep relapsing again and again. I read it may take up to a year to fully heal. Boo.

I accept that I will be doing sedentary activities so I have my art supplies to dig into for variety and flow. The last couple of months I’ve been mostly reading and writing, I need a change. Maybe I’ll start watching a TV series again. Maybe I’ll practice the guitar again too. Maybe I’ll spend hours doing nothing but watching the clouds go by. Nowhere to go, nothing I absolutely have to do, whee, lol.

I feel light, free, and optimistic, unburdened as if something big has shifted within. I actually believe I’ll get better, like all the way and soon. It’s like I’ve broken free from an invisible tether. I’m beginning to feel like I used to back before the cruise that gave me MdDS. I’m so glad I found a practitioner who knows how to treat it. Hope returns.

I don’t feel all pressured and in a rush to accomplish my goals at breakneck speeds. I know that it’s okay for it to take as long as it takes. What’s important is to appreciate, enjoy, and savor as well, which means slowing down and taking it all in stride. I can be accountable all on my own and I am my own best compass of what’s right for me. It feels so spacious now, so open and free. What was I thinking before? This is so much more loving of me, to go at my own pace and stop pushing so hard. I keep trying to learn, maybe I have now? Be easier on yourself you ? Enjoy where you are.

That’s all for today, got the blog post done, just a mundane update, but it’s a post lol.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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