Chasing Time

The Logical Heart Knows Best

Welp, it’s really snowing! I didn’t get around to baking today, but I will tomorrow. It’s gonna snow all night. I made a trip to the store on my way back from the dentist and got some spices and other ingredients for the recipes I wanna try.

I came home and watched a movie, I’m Thinking of Ending Things. It was like I was watching someone’s dream. Charlie Kaufman’s films always leave me pondering and digging deeper into the meaning of life and what’s most important. I appreciate the messiness of our existence and the ephemeral beauty of it all even more after experiencing his films. I’ll have to watch it again. I notice more connections and intricacies I missed the first time around. It was a perfect movie for a snowy, dreary day.

I have to get two crowns next week, woo fun…not, lol. They’re huge old amalgam fillings in my back molars that have been needing attention for years. It’s so good to be catching up on my health maintenance. I feel like I’m at the Emerald City getting all fixed up, de-rusted, oiled, buffed, shined, and in good working order like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz. Next will be my eyes, (I may need glasses, it’s getting harder to read subtitled movies) and I’ll be done for now. I’m so thankful to have the time and means to take care of this old trusty body now.

I continue to be concerned about everyone dealing with fires, windstorms, hurricane aftermath, outages, the pandemic, racial injustice, the list continues to grow. There’s so much happening at once. My heart goes out to everyone. Some days it feels like we’re living in a dream-like movie where improbable things continue to happen and we keep rolling with the punches, what else can we do?

That’s why I wanted to bake because it’s comforting, something reliable, and normal to enjoy in the midst of an increasingly unpredictable world. It’s soothing to bake some yummy treats. It stirs up past happy memories and steadier, simpler times. Anything that’s cozy, warm, and fuzzy is a welcoming balm. And doing something hands-on, methodical and practical is calming, giving a sense of accomplishment and control back, no matter how insignificant, like decluttering, cleaning, reorganizing your home. It helps reset your energy and having a tidy environment is calming and gives a sense of stability as well.

I like viewing my living space as a sanctuary, a haven, an oasis. I only keep things that make me feel uplifted within view and am creating a cozy nest to weather out the pandemic in. I have photos of the kids and items that remind me of happy memories on display.

I also got some nice thank you cards today, I’ve been wanting to this for months now and finally did it. There are so many people I’m thankful for and I wish I could send thank you cards to them all, but it’s too many! I got these special ones for a few that have been so phenomenal this year. I want to thank them properly.

The movie reminded me of how time gets away from us and before we know it we’re at the end looking back wondering what it was all about and if we lived the way we were longing to, was it enough, did we do what we came for, did we love and create with every pulsing bit of us, did we satisfy our soul’s yearnings? Was there an overall sense of joy looking back? What will we do with the time that’s left?

Yeah, those heavy-hitting questions that go bump in the night. What’s most important in living this precious life. Me, I’m still figuring it out as I go hoping that time doesn’t get away from me.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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