Like a Ladybug

It’s been so quiet without the a/c or heat running. The apartment is cool but doesn’t feel as cold as when the a/c is moving the air. It’s been cold and dreary all day so I prepped my veggies and fruits, then cooked the stew recipe and baked the healthy breakfast cookie recipe. Then I nommed the yummy foods while watching the rest of Dune. I’d begun watching it months ago but never got back to it. I’m excited to see the new Dune movie when it debuts.

I did my unemployment work search activities, practiced guitar, and read. I have one set of PT exercises left to do. That’s been my placid day. It’s supposed to snow a little overnight too. This weather is helping contain the fires so that’s a blessing. I wish it would rain and snow in California, Oregon, and Washington.

I feel like the ladybug in the photo above. I’m puttering around minding my own business in my little portion of the world doing what I can to stay healthy, peaceful, and doing things that make sense to me, staying focused on right now, being easy, and seeing where the day takes me. Doing my ladybug stuff, lol.

I’ve given up on all of the big ideas and activities that I envisioned at the start of this pandemic because taking care of my health became my main priority, my body gave me no choice. I gave into my limitations and lo and behold it’s much easier that way, less frustrating and it’s working, I’m having more days where I’m feeling better whereas at first, I kept pushing myself which only made things worse. I’ve learned to really tune in and listen to and pay attention to the signals my body is sending me. I have a new reverence and respect for how hard my body works to keep things running smoothly. I need to treat it better if I want it to last. I can’t keep falling back to my default belief of mind over matter. The body does keep score I’ve come to realize, thankfully. It doesn’t pay to ignore it, I’ve learned this the hard way repeatedly, I must be hard-headed and stubborn, lol.

I was noticing how good everything smelled today when I was cooking, chopping cilantro made me inhale deeply and savor the fresh, brisk almost citrusy aroma. I’ve been able to smell things more acutely the past couple of weeks. I didn’t realize I wasn’t able to fully smell things, I get used to changes in my body so that it seems normal to me until I get better and then in hindsight become aware of the deficits I’d been having. I guess it’s that power through mentality that has me trained to suck it up and keep going. I’m glad that I’ve been easier on myself now because I no longer want to take my health for granted. This was my last descent into that self-sacrificial trap of neglecting my health while taking care of business. I’m going to take care of my health first so I can continue to TCB.

I have so much to be thankful for and don’t want to take anything for granted. I want to pay it forward somehow. I know, I’ll share things I’ve been doing that have helped me in a couple of Facebook support groups I’m in. I was feeling so light, free, and happy today I found myself humming some Cole Porter tunes. I wanted to sing but didn’t wanna disturb the neighbors.

Puttering around like a ladybug is good medicine, lol. Feeling upbeat, snug and grateful tonight. Wishing everyone well and hoping for the best for us all.

Michelle Miyagi
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