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Not Having It

The Logical Heart Knows Best

I’ve found that the best way to deal with troublesome people who are antagonistic and intrusive is to nod, listen, and don’t take the bait. They harass and bully trying to get a reaction so they can feel they have power over you, so they can get some satisfaction from manipulating you emotionally. I will remove myself from the situation if possible because it’s a waste of energy and is damaging to keep engaging with such characters.

If it’s online harassment, then I can restrict them or block them. I don’t want or need the added drama. I will not tolerate it. There are so many people with inappropriate boundaries. They feel entitled to inject their taunts, sarcasm, criticisms, passive-aggressiveness, verbal/emotional abuse, and judgments wherever they go. They believe they are the masters of the universe and they don’t have to respect others. Yeah, I get somewhat irritated when I encounter these belligerent people but quickly realize that it’s what they want, to stir up trouble. They feed off of drama. Then I’m just sad and disappointed because the only way to keep the peace is to keep my distance and disengage.

I maintain my boundaries as best as I can. I don’t keep engaging with people in my personal life if they keep violating boundaries or if their actions don’t line up with their words. I’ve learned the hard way after many years of dealing with self-centered, deceptive, manipulative, emotionally immature people. They may fool me, initially by being charming wolves in sheep’s clothing, but eventually, the truth reveals itself.

I’m so thankful there are ways to avoid bullies online. I even had one message me on this site after I’d blocked them on social media. They stalked me. It’s so bizarre. Why would a stranger think they may keep harassing me like that? Why do people feel so entitled? It must have to do with power and control. They feel they are entitled to get whatever they feel they deserve from someone else. I believe these types of people have traits of a narcissistic personality.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202008/why-narcissists-act-the-way-they-do

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201907/covert-tactics-manipulators-use-control-and-confuse-you

Being away from drama and unhealthy relationships is a blessing. I’ve learned to do what is right for me, to preserve my peace and sanity. I get to choose what I will allow into my life and what I participate in. No one has a right to violate my boundaries.

Of course, it happens. I mean, I can’t live in a bubble. I encounter people in the world who may do harmful things, I can’t totally avoid that. But I have control over who I choose to let into my life and where I spend my time and energy. I do not let social pressure and expectations dictate my behavior anymore. I now conscientiously choose what’s most loving of me because I’m the only one who knows what that is.

I don’t tolerate people telling me what I should do, feel, or be, or who try to convince me they know better than I do about what my motivations are and the reasons for the choices I’m making. As if they are a mind reader or have some omniscient power. I am the only one who knows what’s going on inside of me and no one may claim they know better than I do about myself. I am the one who has agency over me, and no one may try to overpower and manipulate me. I don’t allow sadistic, conniving bullies to stay in my life. Those days are over. Zero tolerance is my policy.

I believe so many of us put up with too much BS because of the way we’ve been socialized. We’re taught to give everyone too many chances, to be kind, nice, and to be good, loyal, and understanding people. We make excuses and deny, and rationalize people’s unacceptable behavior while we’re being abused and taken advantage of. We’re taught to sacrifice our rights, to appease the entitled, narcissistic others in our lives. They teach us to obey authorities and to work ceaselessly on improving ourselves, to please others, to fit in with society, to be approved of, to gain favor, we give our power away. It becomes ingrained that we are to conform to these roles, so we don’t even know how it’s harming us until something wakes us up.

I woke up and I won’t conform, sacrifice, bow down or placate anymore, ever again. I am standing up for what’s most loving and healthy for me. I deserve it. I am equal to anyone else and I claim my power and agency over me, my life and I get to choose what’s best for me. Bullies be gone, I’m not having it.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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