Not Having It

I’ve found that the best way to deal with difficult people who are antagonistic and intrusive is to nod, listen, and don’t take the bait. They harass and bully trying to get a reaction so they can feel they have power over you, so they can get some satisfaction from manipulating you emotionally. I will remove myself from the situation if possible because it’s a waste of energy and is damaging to keep engaging with such characters.

If it’s online harassment then I can restrict them or block them. I don’t want or need the added drama. I will not tolerate it. There are so many people with inappropriate boundaries. They feel entitled to inject their taunts, sarcasm, criticisms, passive-aggressiveness, verbal/emotional abuse, and judgments wherever they go. They believe they are the masters of the universe and they don’t have to respect others. Yeah, I do get somewhat irritated when I encounter these belligerent people but quickly realize that it’s what they want, to stir up trouble. They feed off of drama. Then I’m just sad and disappointed because the only way to keep the peace is to keep my distance and disengage.

I maintain my boundaries as best as I can. I don’t keep engaging with people in my personal life if they keep violating boundaries or if their actions don’t line up with their words. I’ve learned the hard way after many years of dealing with self-centered, deceptive, manipulative, emotionally immature people. I may be fooled initially by charming wolves in sheep’s clothing, but eventually, the truth reveals itself.

I’m so thankful there are ways to avoid the bullies online. I even had one message me on this site after I’d blocked them on social media, they stalked me, it’s so bizarre. Why would a stranger think they have the right to keep harassing me like that? Why do people feel so entitled? It must have to do with power and control. They feel they have the right to get whatever they feel they deserve from someone else. I believe these types of people have traits of a narcissistic personality.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202008/why-narcissists-act-the-way-they-do

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201907/covert-tactics-manipulators-use-control-and-confuse-you

I am so thankful to be away from drama and unhealthy situations and relationships. I’ve learned to do what is right for me, to preserve my peace and sanity. I get to choose what I will allow into my life and what I participate in. No one has a right to violate my boundaries.

Of course, it happens, I mean I can’t live in a bubble, I do encounter people in the world who may do harmful things, I can’t totally avoid that. But I do have control over who I choose to let into my life and where I spend my time and energy. I do not let social pressure and expectations dictate my behavior anymore. I now conscientiously choose what’s most loving of me because I’m the only one who knows what that is.

I don’t tolerate people telling me what I should be doing, feeling, or being, or who try to convince me that they know better than I about what my motivations are and reasons for the choices I’m making. As if they are a mind reader or have some omniscient power. I am the only one who knows what’s going on inside of me and no one has the right to claim they know better than I about myself. I am the one who has agency over me and no one has the right to try and overpower and manipulate me. I don’t allow sadistic, conniving bullies to stay in my life. Those days are over. Zero tolerance is my policy.

I believe so many of us put up with too much BS because of the way we’ve been socialized. We’re taught to give everyone too many chances, to be kind, nice, to be a good, loyal, understanding person. We make excuses and deny, rationalize people’s bad behavior while we’re being abused and taken advantage of. We’re taught to sacrifice our rights, to appease the entitled, narcissistic others in our lives. We are taught to obey authorities and to constantly work on improving ourselves to please others, to fit in with society, to be approved of, to gain favor, we give our power away. It becomes ingrained that we are to conform to these roles, so we don’t even know how it’s harming us until something happens to wake us up.

I woke up and I won’t conform, sacrifice, bow down or placate anymore, ever again. I am standing up for what’s most loving and healthy for me. I deserve it. I am equal to anyone else and I claim my power and agency over me, my life and I get to choose what’s best for me. Bullies be gone, I’m not having it.

Michelle Miyagi
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