The Logical Heart Knows Best

I barely read the news today, I needed a break again, whew. There have been years in my life when I did not read or watch the news at all. I sometimes want to try that again, but with the way things are going, I feel the need to check in daily so at least I’ll have a heads up.

I read and did some journaling today so it was peaceful. I also retrieved some items from the closet for some projects I have in mind. I then rearranged all of my supplies, books, and notebooks in order of priority. I cooked myself something different again, red curry with veggies, nom. More tea drinking and I watched a movie called A Ghost Story. I’ve been curious about it because I’ve seen it on lists of good movies to watch and a friend recently recommended it so I said why not?

It was a haunting movie, literally and figuratively, ha. It had minimal dialogue, was moving and evocative. I don’t want to give any spoilers though, I loved the movie. It’s one of those movies that has you examining your life and the ways you’d like to move within it so that you appreciate every little thing just that much more because truthfully there’s nothing to hold onto. It causes you to reflect on what matters most because it all slips away in the end. I loved the quiet tension of the scenes, the spaces that held so much emotional weight, the ways people keep trying, the perseverance, and the longing dreaminess combined with the fleeting mundane, simplicity of moments that echo through time.

For some reason it brought up memories from childhood, maybe it was the setting, the house was similar to ones I’d spent time in while growing up. There was also the sound of cicadas in one of the scenes, a familiar sound from childhood.

I’m gonna have to get out tomorrow, maybe I’ll go get some ingredients to bake cookies to send to my daughter. If the air quality is good maybe I’ll go to a park instead. I didn’t think I’d reach this point where I really have to change my scenery because I’m feeling trapped like I need to escape for just a little while.

Some days I feel like I’m watching and waiting like the ghost from the movie, powerless to change the situation (pandemic, disasters, joblessness, social injustice/unrest) stuck here hovering like a ghost, lol. So I placate myself as best I can and give thanks for the good fortune we do have. We can do this, one day at a time. I feel like a kid on a road trip whining, “How much longer?”

I can see why so many people are buying houses out of the city where there’s extra space right now. I wish I had that now too, it sure would help for days like this. I could at least go to a different part of the house for a change of scenery, heh. Maybe I could set the TV to one of those long videos of soothing sounds and nature scenes and pretend. Or maybe I can watch adventure movies or TV shows with beautiful locales. The Durrells in Corfu was satisfying that way. I wonder if Outlander would transport me in that same way. Maybe I’ll watch that next.

Every day I am thankful even when I get weary I know we are extremely fortunate. I’m becoming more relaxed as time goes by, resisting it less, accepting it more by reminding myself that the more I let go of the things I can’t control, the better it will be.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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