In-Between Spaces

This is my 266th day of this year of daily blogging, 100 more days left! The song The Final Countdown is going through my head now and I can see Will Arnett in my imagination doing failing magic tricks as Gob Bluth in Arrested Development lmao.

I’ve never tried to consciously do an activity every day of the year, well besides the things we all have to do as a matter of course, like hygiene, eating, breathing, tinkling lol. I wonder how it’s gonna feel to be done on New Year’s Eve? I may have to celebrate this year. I know, I’ll plan a special treat for that night, fun! Hmmm, I’ll have to come up with something, I’ve got 100 days to figure it out, heh. I wonder if everyone is gonna come up with special ways to celebrate considering the shitty year it’s been, like don’t let the door hit ya on the way out 2020, lol.

I just looked at New Year’s Eve in Paris videos from last year, wow! They really put on a show. My ideas to celebrate are bubbles, disco lights, glitter/confetti, balloons, music, hula hoops, maybe dress up, and make the living area into a ball pit. Oh and order a vegan pizza from Virgilio’s https://www.ilovepizzapie.com/ And make a decadent vegan dessert, something rich and creamy. I want popcorn too.

Ah, that was fun watching those videos! So now I really have something to give me an excuse to let my imagination run wild and be ridiculous. Yay! 100 more days! Maybe I can try stacking on something else to do every day besides blogging for the next 100 days.

Hmmm…I know, I’ll practice guitar for at least 15 mins, do a drawing, and dance to one song every day starting tomorrow until the end of 2020. I think that’s doable. That’ll liven me up too. I still feel so cooped up. I sat on the balcony today for a while, that felt good, I ate my supper out there as the sun went down. I contemplated going for a walk, but my body vetoed it. It was tired from mad scientisting and grocery shopping yesterday. Tomorrow if the air is good I will go for a walk on the hill behind us. Yes! Then I plan on baking goodies to send to my daughter. I love baking.

I’ve decided to make a conscious effort to lighten up. There’s so much that’s out of control with nothing I can do about it. I figured I need to find ways to feel like I’m savoring life so I can at least know I’m not taking anything for granted. I’m here on this earth and every day I want to soak it up and appreciate all that I can, even on the days when I’m feeling bummed out, frustrated, and wondering what’s gonna happen. I can still let go and enjoy life during the in-between places where I’m in the moment, my breath taken away by the splendor of simply being. Love accompanies me at all times, it’s there in the background slipping through the in-between spaces carrying me.

It’s always a matter of deciding how I want my overall experience to be while also realizing that there will always be unwanted things with the thoughts and emotions to go along. There’s no way around it and why would I want to suppress what makes me humane and compassionate. I need all of those uncomfortable feelings to be able to be a kind, ethical, loving person who does the right thing.

So I accept that I will have all of those difficult feelings, they’re what allows me to live passionately, with my whole heart, soul, and being. It’s what gives me the capacity to treat everyone else with empathy, respect, sensitivity, compassion, love, and kindness because I embrace my ability to feel so I can put myself in another’s shoes and it will hurt me to cause harm to another because I know we are connected in one spirit of love. We are all made of the same spiritual stuff and deserve to be treated with reverence and respect. We can have consequences and justice while still treating others with dignity and honor. And of course, we include ourselves among those we are compassionate with. It took me a good while to learn that one.

That capacity to love, to feel, connects me with every living creature, with the earth and the cosmos, so I am aware of the responsibility we all share to care for one another, for the earth and her creatures. When we cut ourselves off from that core ability to love, to feel, to empathize, to have compassion and consideration for others it imprisons us to a sliver, a ghost of what we are meant to be. We become shadows when we let fear overtake us when we wall off the love that is at the core of us all.

I’ve made friends with my pesky feelings and now we have a respectful working relationship. I don’t resist and run away from them anymore nor let them run amok either. It’s a matter of balance, calibration, ebb, and flow, an intricate dance. It can be like a roller coaster, like the weather, like natural disasters, or the ocean, a clear blue sky, a dark abyss, a shooting star, a drop of morning dew. Emotions are a driving force in our lives so why not honor them, get curious and intelligent about them, learn how to navigate and utilize them in the ways that serve us.

There are some who don’t have access to their empathy, they’re called sociopaths and psychopaths. They can learn how to behave appropriately though because in other cultures those who aren’t able to empathize are socialized in a way that helps them make the appropriate choices anyhow. At least that’s what a book I recently listened to, The Sociopath Next Door said. It is both nature and nurture that makes us, so just because you have a genetic tendency does not mean you will become sociopathic, it also takes abusive environments, or a highly competitive, individualistic, “dog eat dog” culture to potentiate it in most cases.

That’s why I believe the most important way we can transform this world is to create the most loving environments possible for everyone. So there is less abuse, trauma, and suffering. There will always be trauma from things beyond our control, but why not correct the things that are within our control? Why not start with self, the place where we have the most power is what we do with ourselves, from within. From the inside out, we find the truth from within, by getting to really know ourselves, being honest with ourselves, and honoring that truth and all of the uncomfortable feelings we may find buried deep within. Unearth it, feel it, examine, untangle, integrate it, forgive and release what’s keeping us stuck and trapped.

Then there is acceptance, freedom, and a coming into true power from the heart, the core of love within.