Mutually Loving

This is a photo I took during my walk today. The wind was strong and there was what appeared to be a flock of large seagulls high above. They were gliding on the wind. I couldn’t stop watching them Now I am imagining the band A Flock of Seagulls singing I Ran, lol.

I’m counting down the days left of this daily blogging challenge, 87, omg. I can make it, it’s the last stretch, I can do this. I know someone who’s live-streamed videos for almost 900 days straight, whoa! People who commit and persevere like that inspire me. Surely I can blog for 365. The thought of me doing a video every day though sounds yikes.

I finished listening to the book Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh, it was so beautiful and comforting, I want to read more of his books. He is 93 years old now!

https://www.vox.com/2019/3/11/18196457/thich-nhat-hanh-health-mindfulness-plum-village

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/9074.Thich_Nhat_Hanh

Such words of wisdom that I wish to live by. They are aligned with my core values. There is so much truth, compassion, and love in his teachings. They bring us back to peace, loving-kindness, and home. We all could use more of that, especially during these unprecedented times. We need to create a global Sangha.

It’s all rather beautifully idealistic, but why not keep trying to create more peace, love, and harmony, transforming the world as a practicing right mindfulness community where we support and strengthen one another. I’m gonna read more about these practices, they make sense to me. I already intuitively engage in such practices they describe.

We all could use more groundedness and soothing during these anxiety-provoking times. Exploring different practices can help us find something that works for us. Breathing exercises and meditations usually help most people become more centered, present, and calm. As with everything, it takes practice before these alternative methods of coping/being bring results. So we have to keep trying until it takes hold, it becomes a habit. Eventually, it becomes second nature. Then we have an internal safe space we can rely on during the inevitable storms of life.

It can be so confusing when we are enmeshed and entangled in messy relationships where there are unclear boundaries or codependency. Having a practice where we can keep rooted in our core of love helps us stay connected with what’s true.

Eventually, when our boundaries are crossed, we will not be knocked as far off course away from what’s true, we won’t stay uncertain and confused for long because we have maintained a practice of right-mindfulness where love speaks to us loudly and clearly so we honor that above all.

We are able to allow ourselves to feel and breathe through the pain so it passes quickly and we listen to what those feelings are guiding us to act upon, not in anger, but in love. We have clarity and do what is we must to be loving of ourselves as well as others where we are not sacrificing, but are interdependent and mutually loving.

If the people who violate our boundaries are not able to be accountable and are harming and unloving then we must enforce boundaries that protect ourselves, that are loving of us. Love does not ask that we accept abuse from another. Just because we wish for peace and harmony does not mean we avoid conflict or accept abuse, we also have to do what’s loving of ourselves.

It’s difficult because we want to avoid hurting or abandoning others, but what choice do we have if they are abusing us in the process? Do we not deserve to be respected, honored, and treated equally? We must include ourselves in the compassion we so willingly give. We must be compassionate towards ourselves, always asking is this loving of me too?

It’s so easy to get used to always being the dependable one, the caretaker, the forgiving one who is always patient and understanding and that’s wonderful, but only if it is mutual, there is equity and others are treating you with the same reverence in kind. Otherwise, there becomes an imbalance where the giving one is taken for granted, taken advantage of and the taking one often becomes entitled and blind while feeling affronted when the giver has enough and sets some healthier boundaries.

The dance of codependency, it’s built into our gendered patriarchal society. We are expected to play roles that are damaging and unhealthy for us. It’s normalized, so it’s difficult to awaken to the fact that what we are taught is not right or healthy for us. But our core of love knows better and that’s why we have feelings that tell us when our boundaries are being violated. These feelings sometimes confuse us because they go against what we’re supposed to be feeling according to what society has dictated to us. So it’s up to us to deeply question and investigate what’s really going on, what’s really true. Do we trust our social conditioning or do we listen to our logical hearts?

Anyhow, these Buddhists know their shit and I’m going to read more and practice more adeptly this right-mindfulness 🙂

Michelle Miyagi
%d bloggers like this: