Okay, I’m a Snail

The Logical Heart Knows Best

This is what the meadow on the hill near us looked like last year. They allowed it to grow for a long time, this year they chopped it down sooner, I guess because it was so dry. Now it’s a field of pale yellow. It almost looks like desert sand from a distance, beautifully contrasting with the vivid blue sky. I failed to take a walk today because of the unhealthy air quality. It looked clear and healthy out, but the weather app said otherwise.

The apartment below us is still vacant, so I’ve been enjoying stomping and jumping around up here, heh. I think they already rent it out though, so my dancing with wild abandonment days are numbered. Maybe I have until November 1st? I’ll dance away until then.

The air quality improved later around sunset, but by then I’d already had a long hot bath with tea and books, so I was all squeaky clean, refreshed. I agonized for a few minutes and stayed in. I took the time to research and filled my ballot out, all done! All that’s left is to drop it off, yay!

I’m gradually getting things done that I’ve put on the back burner, and it feels great to be catching up. My glasses will be ready in 2 weeks. This is my first time getting glasses. They said I didn’t have to get them though, that my vision was sufficient, but I wanted to because sometimes subtitles on the TV are blurry and I strain to read them. I have astigmatism now. It will also help with night driving if I wear glasses.

Next, I will get a flu shot. After that, all that’s left is a retina checkup and laser treatment recommended by the optometrist. It feels good to take good care of myself and be proactive. I hope to keep this up. When we have our families to take care of sometimes, we put ourselves last and we don’t keep up with the things that we should. I’m so thankful to have this opportunity to play catch up.

I remember all the way back when I was working my way through college and I couldn’t wait until I was finished with school and had a job that paid more than minimum wage (which was less than 4 dollars then). I kept imagining how our life would be if we made more money. I looked forward to less worry and the ability to have more control over our lives. To be free of that desperation when funds were low. When I got my first paycheck as a nurse, it was so incredible. I could eventually pay off all of my student loans, too. We could take vacations. I was so happy to have a well-paying job and the place I worked was optimal, well funded, properly staffed with excellent management. It felt worth it.

Now money doesn’t lure me as much anymore except to meet our needs for survival to where we don’t have to worry about where our next meal is coming from, that if something unforeseen happened, we’d be able to handle it comfortably. I’d love to always feel like we have more than enough, but not so much as to be frivolous or wasteful. I’d love to have our own house one day, but I don’t want to ruin my health in order to achieve that. Enough money to take care of our health and to have a peaceful life would be wonderful. I’d love it if we could be able to travel and explore the world too, eventually.

I’m looking forward to the days when that happens. I’m working on making it so it’s just taking me a little longer than I’d envisioned. Now I’m laughing, I remember how when I’d crawl on the floor with my toddler daughter riding on my back, I’d say I was a horse and I’d neigh and crawl. She’d always say, No! You’re a snail! I’d crawl as fast as I could with her laughing atop me, then I’d ask was that fast enough. Am I a horse now? She’d laugh and say I was a snail! Omg! She had a dry sense of humor for a toddler. I’ll take it as long as this snail makes it to the finish line in the end, lol.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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