Honest, I Do

The Logical Heart Knows Best

Feeling more human today though minimal vertical time attained. Watched election TV and a movie called The Peanut Butter Falcon, it was really sweet, hit the spot. I can stand up fully straight now, my stomach is only a little sore and the fever tries to come back, but I kick it back down with meds. My face gets dry and hot and my hips begin to ache when the fever returns. This stomach bug was nothing to play with. I kept going over in my mind where I possibly picked it up, can’t really know for certain, so I’m gonna be extra careful with hand sanitizing, I already was though.

Maybe it was something I ate? I threw every food out that may’ve been close to expiration today. Then I thought was it from going to get a flu shot, cooties there? Was it from picking up my new eyeglasses? Was it from grocery shopping at a different place? Was it grocery shopping at our regular place where the elderly cashier pulled down her mask to lick her fingers to moisten them so she could separate the bags? (shudder) Was it when I slipped my finger under my mask to get a hair out of my mouth during that same trip? When you’re lying there curled up in bed in a darkened room slain by a stomach bug you have a lot of time to ruminate, lol.

This year I’ve had to surrender to my body more than ever and it’s been quite humbling. I’ve been having dreams these past few days where I’ve been trying to gather up my belongings in a jovial, chaotic, playful, carnival-like familial atmosphere. Inevitably I’ll grab a bag and papers will fall out and I’ll have to gather them back up, but they keep slipping around and I wrestle with them. It’s made me take note, I may need to get my papers in order when I’m fully recovered from this bout of illness. Tidy things up just in case. I ain’t no spring chicken anymore. At the rate I’m going my health may never fully recover, I keep trying though. Honest, I do.

It makes me wonder if maybe the path I’m on isn’t quite right for me. Maybe I need to try something different. I’ve been plugging away at this for so long and when I think I’ll have a chance to make headway and begin to, I get sick. At least that’s the way it’s been this year. Something to think about. Maybe 2020 just sucks, that could be it too.

Waiting with fingers crossed for the election results, maybe 2020 can become a little less sucky.

Maybe tomorrow I will be more vertical and catch up on some things, like thank yous. I hope so! I’m tired of being bedridden in the dark. I’ll have to google why I’ve been so light intolerant. Yeah, I’m not gonna die, my energy for curiosity is returning, heh.

Michelle Miyagi
Hi! I was an RN, BSN in mental/behavioral health for 27 years. Now I'm helping empower caring people like me to prioritize themselves by maintaining healthier boundaries for more freedom, peace, and joy. I am also active in Long Covid advocacy.

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