Must Have Tinsel

I was so happy to go on a walk today, I took this photo while enjoying the sun and fresh air. I began listening to a book called Untamed by Glennon Doyle yesterday and now I have about half an hour left to finish it. I had to make myself stop listening so I could blog. It is so reassuring to know that there are others in the world who have similar concerns, values, and perspectives. It’s comforting that there are kindred spirits out there in this big wide world.

I also tried out the weighted hula hoop today for a minute. I had to stop because my abdomen is still sore from the stomach virus. It’s going to be fun as a workout.

We finished decorating the tree this evening, I considered forgoing the tinsel this year, but it’s too sparkly and funny not to. Must have tinsel. I love how it gets everywhere and sticks to your feet. It reminds me of burrs. The tree is so cute and festive. I’m glad I put it up early.

The short walk really tired me out, but it was worth it. I will keep increasing my activity as my body permits, but I won’t push too hard because I’ve learned my lesson. I’m becoming less stubborn and I’m honoring what my body tries to tell me now.

We’re trained to ignore what our bodies communicate to us and instead push through and do what we think we should be doing instead of what’s healthy, loving, and best for us.

That’s why it’s hard to tell if I’m hungry sometimes until I get irritable and hypoglycemic. I’ve spent so many years of my life denying that hunger in dieting and anorexia or sedating myself through food by bingeing. Thankfully my eating behavior is healthy now, but sometimes I still have problems knowing if I need to eat or not and it’s only until after I eat that I know, oh, I was hungry, I feel so much better now.

These past 8 months have been a chance to listen acutely to what my body has been trying to communicate to me, yet I kept ignoring it and pushing it until it finally had enough leaving me no choice but to listen. So now I am respecting my body more than ever because I want to be able to enjoy good health and live life to the fullest.

Tomorrow I will take a walk again and I will finally be able to get out to go grocery shopping after isolating myself for over two weeks. I never thought I’d be so looking forward to grocery shopping like I do now. How is it going to feel when the pandemic is over and we are free to mingle, socialize, and do group activities again?

I wonder if we’ll feel safe enough to be maskless and hug, touch each other again? Or will that fear be always in the back of our minds, wondering when the next pandemic will surface? Maybe for a little while at first.

Hopefully, there will be positive changes in the way we care for others as there has been before after pandemics.

I know I will appreciate everything we get to do again even more than before. I’ll try not to take things for granted and savor everything and take more risks, travel more, socialize more, engage with and appreciate everything all the more because it’s not guaranteed. Things can change so quickly as we’ve all experienced acutely this year.

Times like these help us to face ourselves and decide how we want to live the rest of our precious lives. Are we being true to ourselves? When we’re able to move freely in the world again will we be embracing everything that calls us to become more of ourselves or will we go back to doing what we have been trained we should be doing?

I’ve already spent too much of my life doing and being what I’ve been trained I should be. I want to be true to my deepest knowing and choose what’s most loving of me in every sense because I’m the only one who can know what that may be. I am still figuring it out and shedding the falseness of all the shoulds.

I’ll never have it all figured out, but I can know more by listening to what my inner wisdom and body are always trying to communicate to me, by honoring, respecting, and trusting myself. I do know, I am capable, intelligent, and strong no matter what I’ve been trained to believe otherwise. I must trust and believe in myself because I’m the only one who knows what’s ultimately best for me. I can choose to live my life for me and not sacrifice myself, lose myself, or be selfless as the world has tried to “should” me into.

What a celebration there will be once we’re on the other side of this. I hope it happens sooner than expected.

Michelle Miyagi
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