Oh Well

Today I tried not to be anxious about the future, but it didn’t work. I’ve had to keep saying, “Oh well,” because many of the things I have concerns about are beyond my control, so when a concern pops into my head I shrug it off and do my best to let it go. I resolved to go about my day and accepted that maybe I wouldn’t be as calm and joyful as I’d like, so be it.

I had a discussion with my partner about my concerns and that helped. Then I went for a walk. Fresh air, sunshine, and moving my body is good medicine. I listened to books and read. I did all of my PT exercises. I researched to gather more knowledge about my concerns which helps me feel more in control. At least I have some knowledge even if I can’t do anything to change the situation at least I know what’s going on and can search for possibilities that I may be unaware of.

I do what I can and then I surrender into faith and trust. Then I find the bright spots in my life and remember to be thankful. I find things to look forward to, like grocery shopping tomorrow and I only have 39 days left of daily blogging.

I have learned to be gentle with myself and allow space for times when I am worried, where I process, release, or integrate all of the messier emotions and ruminations. I know it’s necessary and is nothing to be afraid of or resist. It all passes soon enough and I return to that peaceful center of strength that’s always within me, the wellspring of love, my logical heart.

Tonight I’m looking forward to watching The Undoing with Drue. And all of my other worries are melting away as this day is coming to a close. When the whole day’s ahead of me there’s pressure to solve as many problems as I can and to get as much done as possible, or make the most of the day. When evening comes I begin to relax and everything begins to flow, it gets easier to enjoy and accomplish what I wanna.

I tell myself I get to do it all again tomorrow and there’s another chance to make headway. I encourage myself by acknowledging that every day I am consistently doing things that will help improve my health, build new skills, and increase my knowledge, that every little bit will add up over time. Eventually, I will get there to where I want to be, that it’s all gonna be okay. I remind myself to appreciate today and notice everything we have to be grateful for and to lighten up and have fun too.

I’m gonna sign off now so I can have some more fun before the day’s done. Gonna draw a doodle and strum the guitar, then snuggly TV time, yay!