Endurance

I enjoyed listening to several fiction books today. I forget how lyrical and moving it is when reading gifted writer’s works. What a treat! It will also help me improve my writing by their example I will learn how to write more expressively. I will read and listen to more fiction from here on out.

I finished organizing our closet today. There’s still more I could do, but it’s fine for now. I was thinking, all my years of living pared down to this one side of a closet. It’s mostly photos, video, and audiocassettes. One day I’ll get around to digitizing them. Organizing the closet helped me feel more in control, I saw an immediate improvement so it was satisfying.

 
My brain is less foggy today, I’m less congested too, what a relief. I’ve been doing things that don’t require me to be sharp, energetic, or creative, like reading, listening to books, and I’ve been doing extra PT/vestibular-ocular exercises.

I’m focusing on what I can do instead of what I wish I could do. We have to shift the way we’re viewing our pandemic situations to get us through these upcoming winter months. I’m choosing to be grateful and fill my days with nourishing activities and am practicing all of my coping skills while learning new ones too. 

If I get anxious, worrying about the future or if I slide into negative thoughts, I gently shift my focus, take deep breaths, and tell myself, you’re safe, you are fortunate; you are enough; you are doing your best, it’s okay. Then I shake it off and remember that I’ve gotten through all the stressful situations in my life, I’m still here and chances are I will make it through this too. I let go of the things that are beyond my control.

I know that negative thoughts and emotions are normal during adversity, and there’s no avoiding them, but I can choose to prevent them from taking over. I can be realistic with my thinking and avoid succumbing to cognitive distortions. For example, instead of thinking people should follow COVID precautions and being upset that they aren’t, I can choose to let it go, accepting that people will do as they please and it’s beyond my control. 

I confess, I look at how many months we have left of this and it’s discouraging. So I stop myself from thinking about it and say, just get through this week and then the next. Before I know it, time passes, and we made it. Like here I am almost done with my year of daily blogging. When I first started it seemed daunting, but now it’s not so bad. We can do more and endure more than we believe we can.

I may have to look at the board games next time we grocery shop. Watching TV is fine, but I need a change of pace. I feel like how I felt when I was a kid sick, at home on a rainy day; ya know that feeling? You feel constrained and limited like you’re missing out, yet you don’t feel like doing much either, so you’re in an in-between space.

I wonder how everything will look in hindsight. Will I go, aha! And realize how much I learned and grew from the experience? I hope so. There is always something beneficial from it all in the living of it. Hidden benefits.

I’m learning that I don’t always have to be scrambling, controlling it all, and trying to make sure we’re set for the future. I can afford to relax and trust. It’s the clinging and grasping that’s causing the most problems. I’m getting better at releasing, surrendering, and having faith because these days, sometimes there is no other choice but acceptance. I am held by the universe just like anyone else. I choose to trust that.

Twenty-eight days left in this year of daily blogging. Hope it’s not like that movie, Twenty-eight Days Later, yikes! We watched a crazy movie last night called Mom and Dad, mainly to see Nicolas Cage’s antics. The night before we watched Ingrid Goes West with Aubrey Plaza, it was offbeat too. I saved a list of movies to watch, and they’re all frenetic and unusual. I must’ve been in a weird mood when I picked them, probably craving novelty, lol.

Despite my positive coping skills, my heart remains heavy for everyone affected by the pandemic. I wish I were magic and could make it all better, poof in an instant. My heart goes out to all.