Pivotal Shifts

The Logical Heart Knows Best

I’m catching up with my Goodreads reading challenge, I have 21 more books to read this year to reach 100. I confess, I’ve been reading shorter books in order to catch up. Is that cheating? Heh. I do PT exercises the entire time I’m listening to books. It’s satisfying.

I keep thinking back to the last Halloween I got to trick or treat. I was thirteen and didn’t want to miss my last chance to enjoy my favorite holiday. I was going with a beautiful neighborhood classmate. She was dressing up as a Gypsy and I can’t remember what costume I wore.

I was sad it was the last year. I didn’t feel grown-up. Why did the trick or treating, costume-wearing, spooky fun have to end?

Halloween fell on the night I had voice lessons. I begged my parents and voice teacher to let me skip, so I could trick or treat, to no avail. I was anxious and perturbed throughout the voice lesson, wishing I were trick or treating. I kept thinking hurry and let me go so maybe I can make it in time to enjoy my last kiddie Halloween.

When we arrived home, I met up with my sweet friend. She was so empathetic, her eyes met mine and there was a mutual knowing exchanged. We were saying goodbye to our childhood. We shared sad resignation that voice lessons and other responsibilities took priority now that we were growing up. We had a few minutes left. We smiled and took off to the nearest haunted carport, racing to be first. Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!

This year has felt like that. A pivotal shift to where we won’t be able to go trick or treating anymore, that we’ve transitioned to a more responsible phase in the trajectory of humanity because we have to or else.

I’ve also felt a shift transitioning to the next phase of older adulthood. It is reminiscent of when I was an adolescent becoming a young adult, except it’s more of a winding back and simplifying, being judicious about where I spend my energy, so I can choose my responsibilities wisely for the greatest impact with the least effort. I’m having to use the energy I have more meticulously as I age.

We will not be the same after this when moving about in the world. There will always be the ghost of pandemic past haunting us. We will not take it for granted that we will be trick or treating as we used to, there will always be the memory that things can all change in an instant for the entire world. I believe we will live more graciously. I choose to believe in our better angels, always.

Michelle Miyagi

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