Is it them, or is it me?
I used to ask myself this all the time.
I’d be walking on eggshells, wondering what the hell happened?
The people around me were volatile and unpredictable.
No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I said or did, nothing worked.
They were appropriate and loving sometimes and then all of the sudden, watch out, they would go on the attack!
I’d try to establish boundaries and tried to keep the peace to no avail. The people in my life would fly into irrational rages and behave in manipulative, abusive ways that I’d grown accustomed to because that’s how it was my whole life.
I didn’t know anything different.
I learned to give in and ended up anxious, shame-filled, and miserable. This was normal for me. I learned to blame myself, because the unpredictable Jekyll and Hyde people in my life twisted everything around, blaming me, scapegoating me, criticizing me, and undermining my sense of reality, self-worth and boundaries.
I knew I didn’t behave as they did and I sure didn’t want to become like them, so I did my best to be kind, loving and caring. Except, I didn’t include myself in the people I was kind and loving of. I neglected, numbed, and abandoned myself largely because I was in an abusive, coercive environment for much of my life until 2011.
Why did it take me so long to break free?
I had to figure it out all by myself. I had no help. I kept seeking knowledge, kept an open mind, and tried to make sense of it all. I was also an empathetic, agreeable, peaceful person who followed the golden rule. Why was I having such drama in my life then?
I knew something was not right. Why wasn’t I happy. On the surface, everything was moving along. I had a steady career as a nurse, married, had a house and two amazing children. Yet, underneath it all, there was a part of me that was lost and miserable. Something was missing. I should be happy, but the only thing I was sure and happy about was the children and being their mother.
I had a dark night of the soul, I surrendered and before I went to sleep with the children one night in 2008, I asked from the depths of my being, “If this is all there is then just let me be happy with it.” The next morning, I awakened from a dream, sobbing with emotion. I had been answered. I had a metaphysical dream that can be best compared with a near-death experience. It was clear there was more for me in this life and from that point on, I rapidly began figuring it all out. I reconnected with the true me. I began trusting myself and doing what was loving of me. It was truly them and not me, but I had to love myself and empower myself to choose myself. I had to be true to myself if I ever wanted a peaceful, joyful, meaningful life. No more misery for me, I decided. I had to do what was right for me, no matter what. I began to reclaim my power.
I didn’t know it was them and not me. Now I know the truth. I want to help you realize the truth, too. You don’t have to walk on eggshells anymore. It’s never been you. It’s not your fault. There’s nothing wrong with you.
I wish I would have had help to figure it out sooner. That’s why I started The Logical Heart Knows Best. I want to help others like me to figure out it’s them and not you.
Some people who you believe are supposed to be the best people in your lives are actually the worst people for you. You just don’t know it yet, because it’s normal to you, it’s all you’ve known. It’s familiar, and until you’ve figured it out and made loving changes with healthy boundaries, it’s inevitable that you will keep repeating the same unhealthy patterns and relationships. I know because that was me. Not anymore!
The world has conditioned us to self-sacrifice, but deep down, our logical hearts know it’s not good for us and will keep nagging insistently until we do what’s right for us. When you do what’s right for you, the world opens up for you again, where you can experience the freedom, peace, and joy that’s available to us all if we’re willing to do what it takes to break free.
If my story sounds too close to home, then maybe I can help you figure it out so you can break free and be true to yourself, too. I’d love to help. This is my deepest wish to help others break free, too.
To take the high road, you must get yourself to the solid ground of the logical heart first. This begins with you and your relationship with yourself. I can help empower you to choose what’s most loving of YOU.
